Bar Chart

Band 4+: The graph compares the percentages of international and the percentage of UK students gaining second class degrees or better at a major UK university.

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The image shows a bar graph comparing the percentage of UK and international students gaining second class degrees or better in different fields of study in 2009. Nursing: UK 80%, International 70%; Electrical Engineering: UK 60%, International 55%; Information Systems: UK 55%, International 50%; Biology: UK 70%, International 65%; English Literature: UK 75%, International 75%; Art History: UK 80%, International 70%; Accountancy: UK 85%, International 80%; Law: UK 65%, International 60%; Sociology: UK 70%, International 60%.

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The Bar chart illustrates the statistics of UK students and international students that accomplished a second class degree or higher in several modules in 2009.

Overall, The UK students attended a higher perfomance than the international students in most of the subjects. While similarity in results appears in some subjects between the two groups.

UK students marked high scores in the subjects related to English literature, Art History, Law, and Sociology. With around 75 % comparing to international students that scored only approximatively 60 percent, in the English literature subject. Same as the Art History module, the UK students attended 80 %, meanwhile the intenational ones scored a number near of 75 %. The same diffirence in results appears also in sociology and Intenational law, where in the same order the UK students has maintained the numbers 80 % and 75 % for each, while the other group got the numbers 75% and almost 45%.

The similarity between the two categories of students shows in the subjects Nursing, Accountancy, where both sides acheived high results in nursing, around 75 %, and for Accountancy 60 % as equal result appears.

Word Count: 189

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

students: 9

subjects: 4

international: 3

results: 3

appears: 3

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Task Response

The report attempts to address the task and provides a comparison between the two groups. However, there are significant issues with data accuracy and consistency. Many of the figures cited in the report do not align with the provided visual description (for example, the percentages for Accountancy and Sociology), which makes the report unreliable. Additionally, the grouping of information is somewhat confusing, and there are several spelling and grammatical errors that occasionally hinder clarity. To improve, ensure that every data point mentioned is accurately transcribed from the graph and focus on grouping subjects logically based on trends rather than just listing them.

Coherence & Cohesion

The organization of ideas is somewhat logical, but the progression is hindered by frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes used incorrectly (e.g., starting sentences with 'While' or 'With' in a way that creates fragments). To improve, ensure that every sentence is a complete thought and use a wider variety of linking words to connect observations smoothly rather than relying on repetitive structures.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is quite limited and often used inaccurately. For example, the phrase 'attended a higher performance' is not a natural collocation in English; 'achieved' or 'demonstrated' would be more appropriate. There are also several spelling errors (e.g., 'perfomance', 'approximatively', 'diffirence', 'intenational'). Aim to learn more precise academic verbs for describing data, such as 'surpassed', 'exceeded', or 'remained constant', and focus on improving spelling accuracy.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are significant grammatical issues throughout the report, including sentence fragments, subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., 'the UK students has maintained'), and incorrect preposition usage. Many sentences are structurally flawed, which forces the reader to pause to understand the meaning. To improve, practice constructing complex sentences using subordinate clauses correctly and ensure that your subject and verb always agree in number.

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