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Band 7+: .: The lines illustrate the reletionship between rate of employed men and women, aged between 18-34 in Australia from 1976 to 2011

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The image contains a line graph titled 'Employment of Men and Women Aged 18-34 in Australia (1976 vs 2011)', plotting Percentage Employed against Age from 18 to 34. For Men in 1976, the percentages by age are: 18(56), 19(60), 20(63), 21(66), 22(67), 23(67), 24(66), 25(69), 26(69), 27(68), 28(67), 29(68), 30(73), 31(78), 32(80), 33(82), 34(87). For Men in 2011: 18(42), 19(46), 20(49), 21(52), 22(55), 23(56), 24(54), 25(53), 26(53), 27(52), 28(52), 29(55), 30(61), 31(63), 32(64), 33(68), 34(71). For Women in 1976: 18(52), 19(51), 20(50), 21(50), 22(49), 23(48), 24(45), 25(41), 26(40), 27(40), 28(39), 29(39), 30(38), 31(38), 32(37), 33(35), 34(34). For Women in 2011: 18(48), 19(43), 20(44), 21(44), 22(44), 23(45), 24(47), 25(47), 26(46), 27(43), 28(40), 29(39), 30(37), 31(36), 32(35), 33(34), 34(33).

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The line graph compares the percentage of men and women aged 18-34 who were employed in Australia in 1976 and 2011.

Overall, males consistently recorded the highest employment rate in both 1976 and 2011 as they increased with age, particularly in 1976, while the reverse was true for females which declined over time and age. Males employment peaked at the age of their early 30s, whereas females witnessed a sharp decline in this age.

Males showed an upward trend. In 1976, the figure for men grew noticeably from around 55% to 70% at the age of 25 and further to its peak of 80% at age 30. Similar, yet lower pattern was observed in 2011. Although only 42% of males aged 18 were employed in 2011, the figure increased significantly, reaching over 70% at the age of 34.

Females followed a downward trend. In 1976, female employment declined gradually from approximately 52% at age 18 to 40% by age 25 and sharper drop was seen at age 34, constituting 30%.

In 2011, the rate started at below 50%, before experiencing fluctuation at early 20. However, it fell sharply to 30% in the early 30s.

Word Count: 194

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A2 - Upper Beginner
Consider using more varied and advanced words.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

males: 3

employment: 3

early: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report effectively addresses the task by comparing the employment rates of men and women in Australia across two different years. The overall trends and key features are well-identified and described. To further enhance the response, consider including more specific data points to support the general observations and ensure that all significant details are covered.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear overview, followed by detailed descriptions of the trends for males and females. However, there are some areas where coherence could be improved. For instance, in the second paragraph, the phrase "Males employment peaked at the age of their early 30s, whereas females witnessed a sharp decline in this age" could be more smoothly integrated. Also, the transition between paragraphs could be strengthened to ensure a more logical flow of information. Consider using transition words or phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs more explicitly.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary suitable for describing trends in a graph. Words like 'consistently,' 'peaked,' 'upward trend,' 'downward trend,' 'gradually,' and 'fluctuation' are used appropriately. However, there's room to enhance the sophistication of the vocabulary further. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'increased' or 'declined,' you could incorporate synonyms like 'rose,' 'grew,' 'diminished,' or 'receded' to add variety and precision to your descriptions. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a good command of grammar, with a variety of sentence structures used. However, there are some grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect the overall clarity and accuracy. For example, in the second paragraph, "Males employment peaked at the age of their early 30s" could be rephrased for better grammatical accuracy. Similarly, in the fourth paragraph, "sharper drop was seen at age 34, constituting 30%" could be improved for clarity and grammatical correctness. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and precise phrasing to enhance the grammatical accuracy of your writing.

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.: The lines illustrate the reletionship between rate of employed men and women, aged between 18-34 in Australia from 1976 to 2011

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Band 7+: .: The lines illustrate the reletionship between rate of employed men and women, aged between 18-34 in Australia from 1976 to 2011

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Answers On The Same Topic:

.: The lines illustrate the reletionship between rate of employed men and women, aged between 18-34 in Australia from 1976 to 2011

.: The lines illustrate the reletionship between rate of employed men and women, aged between 18-34 in Australia from 1976 to 2011

.: The lines illustrate the reletionship between rate of employed men and women, aged between 18-34 in Australia from 1976 to 2011

.: The lines illustrate the reletionship between rate of employed men and women, aged between 18-34 in Australia from 1976 to 2011

.: The lines illustrate the reletionship between rate of employed men and women, aged between 18-34 in Australia from 1976 to 2011

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