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Band 5+: The percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in 4 countries in 1970 and 2000.

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The image shows employment percentages for ages 60-64 by gender in 1970 and 2000 in Belgium, USA, Japan, and Indonesia: In 1970, Belgium had 70% men, 10% women; USA 80% men, 60% women; Japan 80% men, 50% women; Indonesia 85% men, 30% women. In 2000, Belgium had 55% men, 20% women; USA 60% men, 60% women; Japan 75% men, 55% women; Indonesia 75% men, 40% women.

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The bar graph illustartes the percentage of male and female employees aged 60-64 in four countries( Belgium, The USA, Japan, and Indonesia) in 1970 and in 2020.

Overall, Belgium experienced a dramatic drop of women workers. Meanwhile, Japan demonstrated significant growth of female employees, despite gradual decreasing of male workers. By contrast, in the USA men laborers considerably rose and reached a peak.

In 1970, the percentage of male employees accounted for 78%, while women made up 63%. Over the 50 years, the proportion of men workers in Belgium was decreased by only 2%, whereas senior ladies declined to under 55%. In the USA, male laborers increased from 85% to 90%. Meanwhile, in 1970 American women workers recorded almost 80% and by 2020, slowly fell to 77%.

During the same period, Japanees gentlemen dradually increased from 75% to over 80%. Meanwhile, female eployees dramatically jumped from 56% to 74%. In 1970, in Indonesia 83% was recorded for men and 65% was recorded for women workers. After 50 years, the percentage of male grew to over 85%, while the percentage of female significantly rose to 75%.

Word Count: 185

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

workers: 5

percentage: 4

female: 4

women: 4

employees: 3

belgium: 3

meanwhile: 3

recorded: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but suffers from significant issues with data accuracy and internal consistency. There is a major discrepancy between the years mentioned in the task (1970 and 2000) and the years used in the report (1970 and 2020), which affects the logical flow of the comparison. Furthermore, the data reported in the body paragraphs frequently contradicts the visual description provided (for example, the figures for the USA and Japan do not align with the provided data). To improve, ensure that all numerical data is transcribed accurately from the visual and that the timeframes mentioned in the introduction match those used in the analysis. Focus on maintaining consistency between your overview and the specific details provided in the body paragraphs.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report follows a logical structure with an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by inconsistent use of cohesive devices and logical contradictions. For example, the overview mentions a 'dramatic drop' in Belgium, but the body paragraph provides different figures. To improve, ensure that the overview accurately reflects the trends described in the body and use a wider variety of linking words to connect sentences smoothly.

Lexical Resource

There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary (e.g., 'laborers', 'gentlemen', 'senior ladies'), but many of these choices are inappropriate for an academic report. Terms like 'gentlemen' and 'ladies' are too informal and social, whereas 'male/female employees' or 'workers' is preferred. Additionally, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'illustartes', 'Japanees', 'eployees', 'dradually') and word formation issues (e.g., 'gradual decreasing'). Focus on using precise, academic terminology and proofreading to eliminate spelling mistakes.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report uses a mix of simple and complex structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and tense consistency. For instance, 'the proportion... was decreased' is an incorrect passive construction; 'the proportion... decreased' would be correct. Work on mastering passive vs. active voice and ensuring that verb tenses are used correctly when describing historical data.

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