Pie Chart

Band 6+: The pie chart below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make conversion where relevant

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The image displays two pie charts of average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia for 2010, detailing percentages: Japan's expenses are Housing 21%, Transport 10%, Food 24%, Health care 6%, and Other goods and services 29%, while Malaysia's expenses are Housing 34%, Transport 10%, Food 27%, Health care 3%, and Other goods and services 26%.

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The pie charts demonstrate the information about the proportion of household production in two countries ( Japan and Malaysia ) taking into consideration housing, transport, food, health care and other goods and services.Overall, housing accounted for the largest proportion of spending in Malaysia, while Japanese spent the most on other goods and services. In both countries, health care showed the smallest proportion.

In Japan, the highest percentage of household spending was other goods and services at 29%. The nex highest is food 24%, followed by housing at 21%. While 20% household expenditure in Japan went to transport, much smaller proportion 6% was spent to health care.

By contrast, Malaysian household spent the largest proportion is housing, which stood at 34%. Food was the second largest category at 27%, this other goods and services another high figure of 26% in turn. As opposed to 10% of household spending on transport, just 6% was spent on health care in Malaysia.

Word Count: 158

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

household: 5

proportion: 4

housing: 4

health: 4

other: 4

goods: 4

spent: 4

japan: 3

malaysia: 3

transport: 3

largest: 3

spending: 3

services: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the pie charts. The overview is clear, and the body paragraphs provide relevant details about the household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data reported (e.g., the report states 20% of household expenditure in Japan went to transport, while the visual description says 10%). To improve, ensure all data cited is accurate and consider adding more comparative language to highlight the differences and similarities between the two countries.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents a generally clear overview of the data, but the organization could be improved for better flow. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, making it slightly difficult to follow the comparisons between Japan and Malaysia. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader. For example, when shifting from discussing Japan to Malaysia, use phrases like 'In contrast' or 'Similarly'. Paragraphing is adequate but could be more strategically used to group related information and enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. The report relies on basic terms like 'proportion' and 'spending' repeatedly. Try to incorporate synonyms or more specific terms to add depth and sophistication to your writing. For instance, instead of 'spending,' you could use 'expenditure,' 'allocation,' or 'investment,' depending on the context. Expanding your lexical range will make the report more engaging and demonstrate a better command of the English language. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect clarity. For example, in the first paragraph, 'household production' should be 'household expenditure'. In the second paragraph, 'The nex highest is food 24%' should be 'The next highest was food at 24%'. Similarly, in the third paragraph, 'Malaysian household spent the largest proportion is housing' should be 'Malaysian households spent the largest proportion on housing'. Correcting these errors and paying closer attention to sentence structure and verb tense agreement will significantly improve the grammatical accuracy of your writing.

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