Pie Chart

Band 7+: The pie chart below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years.

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The image shows pie charts for New Zealand's online retail sector sales, with 2003 data featuring travel at 36%, film/music at 21%, books at 19%, and clothes at 24%; 2013 data highlights travel at 29%, film/music at 33%, books at 22%, and clothes at 16%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The pie charts demonstrate the sales made through online platforms for retail sectors including travel, film or music, books and clothes in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013.

Overall, in both two years the sales of all goods have dramatically shifted, however travel and film or music still accounted for the most percentage in total. Whereas, books and clothes reached less sales than that.

Turning to the detail, the earning of travel and clothes had a relatively decline trend from 2003 to 2013. In the earlier year, travel, accounting for 36%, was the most factor in the online sales. However in 2013, it had a significant decrease tendency of 7% decline and fell to second place with 29%. Besides, clothes dropped from 24% to 16% over the ten-year period and ended up as the least profitable sector in 2013.

On the other hand, the online shopping sales of film or music and books had an increased portion. Starting at the second place which reached 21%, after one decade, films or music rapidly climbed to the leading category, boosted by a 12% growth. Regarding books, between 2003 and 2013,their online proceeds reached 19% and 22%, respectively. It’s clear that this had a marginal increase, only 3% higher.

Word Count: 206

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

sales: 5

online: 4

travel: 4

music: 4

books: 4

clothes: 4

reached: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report fulfills the requirements of the task, providing a general overview and specific details about the changes in online retail sales in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013. There is a generally clear presentation of the main trends and figures. To improve, ensure complete accuracy in data reporting and avoid minor language errors.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear structure, including an introduction, overview, and detailed paragraphs. Transitions between sentences and ideas are mostly smooth, but there are instances where the flow could be improved for better coherence. For example, in the second paragraph, the connection between the overall shift in sales and the specific categories could be made more explicit. Also, vary the use of cohesive devices to avoid repetition and enhance the overall flow.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to sales and trends. Terms like 'dramatically shifted,' 'significant decrease tendency,' 'marginal increase,' and 'least profitable sector' are used appropriately. However, there's room to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the writing further. For instance, instead of 'reached less sales than that,' consider using a more precise and impactful phrase. Also, ensure that the vocabulary used is consistently accurate and contextually appropriate throughout the report. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a good command of grammar with a variety of sentence structures. There are a few errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('sales of all goods have dramatically shifted') and awkward phrasing ('the most percentage in total'). While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, addressing them would enhance the report's overall clarity and precision. Pay close attention to verb tense consistency and sentence structure to ensure grammatical accuracy throughout the report.

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