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Band 6+: The table Below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009.

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Image for topic: The table Below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009.

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The image displays a bar graph representing the percentage of workforce in 1989 and 2009 in six industries: Tourism, Education, Health care, Retail, Manufacturing, and Construction. In 1989, Tourism had 5.5%, Education 7.5%, Health care 7.3%, Retail 7.0%, Manufacturing 15.9%, and Construction 11%. In 2009, Tourism increased to 6.7%, Education to 8.3%, Health care to 11%, Retail to 10%, Manufacturing decreased to 10%, and Construction to 9%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The given table illustrates data about the number of employees in six industries, which are manufacturing, retail, health care, construction, education, and tourism in 1989 and 2009.

It is clear that the number of workers in all given industries has increased over time, except for manufacturing and retail industries. However, manufacturing industries employed maximum number of people in 1989.

In 1989, the highest percentage of workers worked in manufacturing industry, which is stood at 15%. This proportion decreased by 5.2% in 2009. In retail, the proportion was (11.8%) second highest in 1989 and it saw a little declined at 10.1% in 2009. The figure for health care industry went up from 9.6% in 1989 to 11.3% in 2009, which was the largest sector for workers in this year.

In construction, education, and tourism the percentage of workers jumped slightly from 7.6, 6.8 and 5.5 to 8.3, 7.5 and 7.3 respectively. These are the sectors where workers increased in 2009 compare to 1989.

Word Count: 162

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

workers: 5

industries: 4

manufacturing: 4

number: 3

which: 3

retail: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task but contains some inaccuracies and omissions. The overview is not entirely accurate, and some of the data reported is incorrect. For example, the report states that the number of workers in all industries increased except for manufacturing and retail, but the data shows that construction also decreased. Also, some of the percentages mentioned in the third and fourth paragraphs are not correct according to the provided data. To improve, ensure all data cited is accurate and that the overview correctly reflects the main trends.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents a general overview and attempts to highlight key trends, but the organization could be improved for better clarity. The flow of information is somewhat disjointed, and the connections between sentences and paragraphs are not always smooth. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the data. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data to enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the task, but there are instances where the word choice could be more precise. For example, using more specific terms to describe changes (e.g., 'increased significantly' instead of 'jumped slightly') would enhance the impact. Also, avoid repetition of words and phrases by using synonyms where appropriate.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect clarity. While the overall meaning is understandable, the errors distract the reader and impede comprehension. Focus on improving sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of articles and prepositions. Proofreading carefully before submission can help identify and correct these errors.

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