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Band 7+: The two pie charts below show how an average households in Australia used energy for different purposes in 1995 to 2015

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The image contains two pie charts detailing Household Energy Use in Australia for 1995 and 2015. In 1995, the distribution of energy use was: Heating 40%, Water Heating 30%, Other Appliances 10%, Lighting 10%, and Refrigeration 10%. In 2015, the distribution was: Heating 30%, Water Heating 25%, Other Appliances 20%, Refrigeration 15%, and Lighting 10%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The given sets of pie charts delineate usage of energy for an average household in Australia for several purposes over the period of 20 years between 1995 and 2015.

To commence with the year 1995, it can be observed that the largest proportion of energy was utilised for heating by Australians which was accounted for 40% respectively. Whereas, 30% of power had consumed by water heating. Moreover, other appliances along with lighting and refrigeration have used similar proportion of energy that was 10% each significantly.

In terms of 2015, the average household energy used for both the heating and water heating had experienced dipped by 10% and 5% compared to that of the year 1995. By the contrast, other appliances and refrigeration had witnessed surge to 20% and 15% considerably. Meanwhile, the percentage for energy used in lighting have remained at 10%.

All in all, it is readily apparent that Australians had major usage of power for heating and water heating; however, their power consumption through other appliances and refrigeration had noticeable increased throughout two respective decades. Lighting remained at the lowest for energy usage.

Word Count: 185

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

energy: 6

heating: 5

usage: 3

power: 3

water: 3

other: 3

appliances: 3

lighting: 3

refrigeration: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report effectively summarizes and compares the data presented in the pie charts. The description of the data is accurate, and the changes between 1995 and 2015 are clearly highlighted. To further enhance the response, consider incorporating more precise language and avoiding slight redundancies. For example, in the first paragraph, 'accounted for 40% respectively' could be streamlined. Also, ensure a consistent level of detail throughout the report, possibly by providing specific comparisons for all categories in both years.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The progression of ideas is logical, and the use of cohesive devices is adequate. However, there are instances where the connection between sentences could be smoother. For example, in the second paragraph, the transition between discussing water heating and other appliances could be improved. In the third paragraph, using more varied transitional phrases could enhance the flow. Overall, the structure is sound, but refining transitions would elevate the coherence.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Terms like 'delineate,' 'utilised,' 'accounted for,' and 'witnessed surge' are appropriately used. However, there are opportunities to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary to describe trends and comparisons. For instance, instead of 'experienced dipped,' consider using 'decreased' or 'declined.' While the vocabulary is generally accurate, expanding the range and precision of word choices would enhance the lexical resource.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are several grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing. For example, '30% of power had consumed by water heating' should be '30% of power was consumed by water heating' or 'water heating consumed 30% of the power.' Similarly, 'heating and water heating had experienced dipped' should be 'heating and water heating had experienced a dip' or 'had decreased.' Correcting these errors and ensuring subject-verb agreement, proper tense usage, and accurate preposition usage will significantly improve the grammatical accuracy.

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