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Band 6+: Topic is proportion of staffs in the UK employed by age

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The image illustrates two pie charts comparing the percentage of staff by age group employed in the public sector in the UK for the years 2015 and 2020. In 2015, the pie chart is segmented as follows: 'under 21' at 14%, '21-30' at 23%, '31-40' at 21%, '41-50' at 19%, and 'over 50' at 23%. In 2020, the proportions shift with 'under 21' at 12%, '21-30' at 33%, '31-40' at 11%, '41-50' at 28%, and 'over 50' at 16%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The data illustrates the proportion of employees across age category in the British public sector in 2015 and 2020.

Overall, the proportion for people aged in a range of 31 and 40 and over 50 declined significantly, whereas it increased for categories with ages 21-30 and 41-50.

While in 2015 almost a quarter of people were above 50 years old, 5 years later it comprised 16%. Workers who are from 31 to 40 years old, decreased in number dramatically from 21% to 11%. A contrast pattern could be observed in staff aged 21 to 30 and 41 to 50; the number of 21-to-30-years-olds rose by 10% in 2020, and that of people aged in a range of 41 and 50 reached 28% beginning from 19%.

The proportion of staff whose age were under 21 did not change considerably, it began with 14% in 2015 and fell to 12% in 2020.

Word Count: 150

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A2 - Upper Beginner
Consider using more varied and advanced words.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

proportion: 3

people: 3

years: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report effectively summarizes the key trends and changes in the age distribution of public sector employees in the UK between 2015 and 2020. The overview is clear, and the body paragraphs provide sufficient detail, including specific data points to support the observations. To improve, ensure that all significant data points are mentioned and that the language used is precise and avoids slight inaccuracies (e.g., 'almost a quarter' could be more precise). Also, consider using a wider range of vocabulary to describe changes and proportions.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear overview and specific details. However, some sentences could be restructured for better flow and clarity. For example, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother. Consider using transition words or phrases to connect ideas more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there's room for improvement in using more precise and sophisticated language. For instance, instead of 'decreased in number dramatically,' you could use a more specific term like 'plummeted' or 'significantly contracted.' Also, ensure that the vocabulary used is consistently accurate and appropriate for the context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a reasonable command of grammar, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and appropriate article usage. For example, phrases like 'age were' should be corrected to 'age was.' Proofreading carefully can help eliminate these errors.

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