Multiple Graphs

Band 5+: You should spend about 20 minutes on this task The charts below describe 4 sectors of employment, in 2009 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

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Image for topic: You should spend about 20 minutes on this task The charts below describe 4 sectors of employment, in 2009 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

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The image displays employment distribution in four sectors within Town A for years 2009 and 2020 via two circular charts; in 2009, Manufacturing accounts for 60%, Hospitality 11%, Engineering 9%, Teaching 20%; by 2020, Manufacturing remains at 60%, Hospitality adjusts to 17%, Engineering 8%, Teaching 15%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

The given pie charts illustrate the changes of statistics concerning people’s employment in 4 sectors from 2009 till 2020 in two towns.

In town A, three times as many people worked in the manufacturing sector in 2020 and their percentage increased 20 to 60. Occupation in the hospitality sector rose by 4% to 15%. The engineering sphere fell from 60% to 17%. The teaching sphere did not have a big change, it only decreased by 1% in 2020.

In town B, the sector of manufacturing decreased by 15% falling to 25%. The hospitality sector grew by 5%, from 15 to 20%. The number of people who worked in the engineering sphere did not change. The percentage of teachers increased from 10% to 20%.

In conclusion, there were many changes in a period of 11 years both in town A and town B. However, the figure for engineering did not change in town B.

Word Count: 153

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A2 - Upper Beginner
Consider using more varied and advanced words.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

sector: 4

engineering: 3

sphere: 3

change: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains significant inaccuracies and misunderstandings of the data. The report also includes information about Town B, which is not present in the visual description. Key points are often inaccurate and detract from the overall task achievement. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data provided in the charts and avoid introducing extraneous information. Ensure that all reported changes are supported by the visual data.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is somewhat organized, but there are issues with coherence. The introduction is adequate, but the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions between ideas. The conclusion is weak and doesn't effectively summarize the main points. To improve, focus on structuring each paragraph around a central idea and using transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly. Ensure the conclusion provides a concise overview of the key trends and comparisons.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate but lacks sophistication. There is some repetition of words like 'sector' and 'percentage.' To enhance lexical resource, try to incorporate a wider range of synonyms and more precise vocabulary related to employment and statistics. For example, instead of 'big change,' consider using 'significant shift' or 'notable alteration.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For instance, the sentence 'In town A, three times as many people worked in the manufacturing sector in 2020 and their percentage increased 20 to 60' is unclear and grammatically incorrect. There are also issues with verb tense and subject-verb agreement. To improve, carefully review each sentence for grammatical accuracy, paying attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Consider using a grammar checker and proofreading carefully.

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Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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