Letter

Band 5+: You want to volunteer at a local charity shop but need more information. Write a letter to the charity shop manager. You should include: - Why you are interested in volunteering. - What skills and experience you have. - Ask about the types of volunteer work available and the time commitment involved.

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Dear Mr. Smith,

My name is Alexandr Jones. I want to get a job in your charity shop. I have a big experience at this business, especially at charity, and I hope we can work together.

In 2024 I gratuated from New York University, where I lerned PR and marketing. During my education, I set up three start ups with my friends, based on charity and fundraising. For instance, my company “Star 3” could was able to attract 1 mln dollars in 2022 in Chicago in 4 months. Our project in Dallas “Palm” attracted 1,1 mln in 2023 in New York. I ready to share my experience and, in my opinion, we are can be useful to each other.

I know now you are looking for a person, who can organised marketing campaign in the Internet and social media, finding new rich clients for your charity shop. Shure, I can help you with this.

Best regards

Word Count: 156

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A2 - Upper Beginner
Consider using more varied and advanced words.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

charity: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter addresses the task by stating the writer's interest in volunteering, mentioning relevant experience, and hinting at available opportunities. However, it reads more like a job application than a letter expressing a desire to volunteer. The tone is overly assertive and focuses heavily on past achievements rather than a genuine interest in helping the charity. To improve, focus on expressing a sincere interest in volunteering for the charity, detailing specific skills relevant to the shop's needs (e.g., customer service, organization), and directly asking about the application process and available roles.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter's organization could be improved for better flow. Consider dedicating a paragraph to each of the task's bullet points: your reasons for volunteering, your relevant skills/experience, and your inquiries about opportunities and application process. Using more cohesive devices (e.g., transition words, pronouns) would also enhance readability.

Lexical Resource

While the vocabulary is generally adequate, there's room to use more precise and varied language, especially when describing your experiences and skills. For example, instead of 'big experience,' you could specify the nature and extent of your experience. Also, avoid informal language. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and correct article usage ('a,' 'an,' 'the'). Proofreading carefully before submitting would help catch these errors. For example, 'I gratuated' should be 'I graduated,' and 'we are can be useful' should be 'we can be useful.'

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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