Opinion

Band 5+: All over the World, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affect both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, how could it be tracked?

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Across the globe, population is suffering because of excess body fat, and it can concern everyone despite the age. Thise essay will discuss the main reasons for this increase and suggest some possible solutions.

In my point of view, one of the main reason of overweight is large amount of harmful resources in the meals. Nowadays, there are accurse many type of dining establishment that attempt to satisfy with flavorful food which contains a lot of sugar and oil. For example , when individual desire to try or consume some food in restaurants, the nutritional content and calorie count of the menu are unknown to him/her and eating this kind of food can lead to obesity. And the solution of this issue to thorough checking of sugar and fat levels, and informing customers about it on the menu.

In addition, these days society in most cases working in inactive position a lot of time. Currently AI, programming and social media are significantly impact for residents live. For example, Instead of having rest in outdoor or spending time with friends, people decide to relax in play digital games or watching entertainment videos .To solve this problem, more facilities should be built, such as cycling path and spaces for marathons or their physical activities. Citizens should also be informed and encouraged to join these sessions.

To sum up, members of society boost to be affected by weight problem. There is two main reason of this disease: quantity of unhealthy food items and sedentary lifestyle. To tackle this trouble is checking quality of food and built more activity facilities.

Word Count: 266

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:
No noticeable repetition! Great job!

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a position and relevant main ideas. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the suggested solutions. Ensure a clearer connection between the reasons for obesity and the proposed solutions.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the flow of ideas is often disrupted by grammatical errors and unclear phrasing. Paragraphing is present, but the connections between sentences and ideas within paragraphs need improvement. Transitions could be used more effectively to guide the reader. For example, the shift from discussing the problem to suggesting solutions could be smoother.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and occasionally inaccurate ('accurse' instead of 'are'). There's a reliance on basic vocabulary, and attempts to use more sophisticated words sometimes result in errors. Expanding your vocabulary and focusing on accurate usage would improve this area. For example, instead of 'large amount of harmful resources,' consider 'high levels of unhealthy ingredients.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors significantly impede understanding. Focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures before attempting more complex constructions. For example, 'population is suffering' should be 'the population is suffering,' and 'Thise essay' should be 'This essay.'

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