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Band 5+: "Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?"

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It is widely believed that art and music are seen as essential parts of all societies. However, technology is dominating in every aspect in this modern era and[A1.1] many people wonder if this subject still[A2.1] important and whether children should learn on them at school. Although other subjects are importance[A3.1] in today’s life, art and music definitely still have a place in today’s modern world, and school[A4.1] should provide and encourage their students to study them.

On the one hand, technology has changed how we live and how we do our work, but it cannot replace the human senses in art and music. While computer[A5.1] can generate song or images[A6.1], computer could not replicate creativity and emotion written by human. However, technology really helps art and music reach more audiences trough[A7.1] streaming apps and help some musicians to create their songs. For example, an[A8.1] artists use technology to get inspiration for their songs and do their arrangement at computer to create an instrument. Moreover, listening to a beautiful song can lift our mood and relieve stress after a long day of work. Therefore, instead of making art and music less important, technology provides a new way to improve the way to be more innovative in the music creation.

On the other hand, children should spend more time to learn art and music at school. Nowadays, school curriculum is often too focused on science and technology. While this[A9.1] subjects are useful for future[A10.1], they do not develop a child’s creativity. Art and music allow students to express their emotions and explore their ideas. Furthermore, playing a musical instrument helps children to[A11.1] develop their brain and patience. For instance, when they are practicing a musical instrument, they need time to master their skill on an instrument while focusing on the key of each song, and pouring their feelings into it. If students only study academic subjects, they might become stressed and lack creative skills.

In conclusion, while technology is important in modern world, art and music remain essential for human emotion and creativity. Schools should ensure and support their students to learn these subjects.

Word Count: 352

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 10

music: 9

technology: 7

should: 4

subjects: 4

students: 4

while: 4

instrument: 4

modern: 3

important: 3

children: 3

learn: 3

school: 3

human: 3

creativity: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly stated your position in the introduction and maintained it throughout the response. You successfully addressed both questions: whether art and music have a place in a technological world and whether children should study them in school. To improve your score, focus on the depth of your arguments. While your ideas are relevant, some points could be more fully extended. For example, in the first body paragraph, you mention that technology helps music reach more audiences; expanding on how this 'relevance' prevents art from becoming obsolete would strengthen the link to the prompt. Additionally, ensure that your supporting examples are more precise. In the second body paragraph, you mention brain development; providing a slightly more specific explanation of how this benefits a child's overall education would elevate the quality of your development. Finally, be mindful of grammatical accuracy (subject-verb agreement and noun plurality), as frequent minor errors can occasionally obscure the precision of your ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear logical structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs addressing both parts of the prompt, and a conclusion. You use transition signals like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' effectively to guide the reader. However, some cohesive devices are slightly repetitive, and there are minor lapses in flow due to grammatical errors. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring that the relationship between sentences is seamless by using more sophisticated referencing (e.g., using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repeating 'art and music' too frequently).

Lexical Resource

You have used a sufficient range of vocabulary to discuss the topic, such as 'replicate creativity', 'relieve stress', and 'school curriculum'. However, there are several instances of word form errors (e.g., using 'importance' instead of 'important') and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'learn on them'). There is also some repetition of basic words. To reach a higher band, aim for more precise collocations and ensure that you use the correct part of speech (noun vs. adjective) consistently. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the clarity of your message. Common issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'computer could not'), article usage (e.g., 'an artists'), pluralization (e.g., 'this subjects'), and missing verbs (e.g., 'if this subject still important'). I recommend reviewing basic grammar rules regarding singular/plural nouns and verb tenses. Practicing the use of relative clauses and more complex sentence structures will also help improve your accuracy.

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“Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?”

Art and music are essential parts of every society, they have a big impact of people and economic. Nothing can replace their importance, even technology in today’s modern life, their importance is irreplaceable. While technology can solve practical problems, art develops imagination and creativity. I believe schools should spend more time learning art and music […]

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“Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?”

Many people believe that art and music are essential parts of every society. Nowadays, modern technology arts have become very popular, but, in my opinion, traditional art and music are the beginning of every culture, and students at school should learn more about them. These days, technology has become a part of society, However, traditional […]

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Band 5+: "Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?"

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

“Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?”

“Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?”

“Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?”

“Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?”

“Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?”

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