“What is the derivative of x?” asked my teacher. I stood there frozen, palms sweating and eyes wandering, hoping for an answer. I felt insanely dumb at that very moment. Everyone gave me the “its basic” look.
Math had always been a struggle for me, which often hindered me from achieving my goals. Over time, this fear of math became a barrier I thought I could never overcome. I had always attempted to avoid math, seeking the path of least resistance. It was easier to walk away than to face it. Perhaps, from a very young age, I vowed to myself that I’d pursue a major devoid of any mathematical elements. However, I soon realized that this was merely an attempt to take the easy way out, an act of cowardliness that ultimately serves no long-term purpose.
The world doesn’t really let you avoid math whether it’s Physics, Economics, even real life, math seemed to be an unavoidable component. I was engulfed in fear, I was convinced that I was somehow less smarter than others. When I failed my 11th grade half-yearly math exam, I was devastated. It felt as though my life was over, and I sank into a state of despair, entirely ignoring math and focusing on other subjects. This only worsened my situation. However, things shifted when my sister’s old tutor came along. He didn’t just teach formulas, he was patient with me. Slowly, piece by piece, things started making sense. For the first time, I actually understood why things worked, not just how. He didn’t judge me for not knowing basics instead he said “even if you didn’t know 2+2, I’d have taught you that as well” I giggled. I stopped seeing math as a wall I’d never climb and started seeing it as a challenge I could beat.
It wasn’t an easy journey. I had days when I doubted myself, cried or wanted to quit but now when I sit down with a math problem, I don’t run. I try and make mistakes and learn from it. And that’s something the old me never did.