I think it’s okay to feel like a hater sometimes, but not act like hypocritical one. I believe that no one is 100% pure . I’m not trying to be cynical, but come on no one is perfect.
We mostly categorize people into two groups: bad people and good people. However, i think it’s more precise if we categorized them into phony people and authentic people because no one is entirely good or entirely bad. The difference between an authentic and a phony person is that an authentic person can truthfully admit that they are not always “good” or “innocent”. An authentic person truthfully admits their flaws & work on fixing them . An authentic person would never say a backhanded compliment innocently. Instead, they will admittedly say the truth or just stay silence if their opinion isn’t needed. An authentic person apologizes. An authentic person distances himself/herself when he/she feels that they may harm the people that they love with actions or even words. Even if these acts and words are trivial because this may cost them a whole friendship or relationship that they care about.
After my senior year ended I felt like I wanted to fully distance myself from everyone specifically my closest friends . Of course , i didn’t fully avoid them but i stopped doing things that i normally do. I stopped initiating hangouts and interacting that much on the group. Even our hangouts felt like a liability. Obviously, this made me feel like a HORRIBLE friend. I didn’t only feel that way towards my friends. I also SOMETIMES felt it towards my FAMILY which is absolutely daunting ( it was stronger towards my friends though).
I started wondering if I’m slowly becoming a bad , heartless person or maybe i just don’t care anymore about everyone . Eventually, I knew the CORRECT answer. I’m just too overwhelmed. Suddenly , i have to choose the major that i have to study for the next 5 years and the career that i have to pursue . Not only this but i also have to move ALONE to my home country that I never lived in and be a fully independent person for the first time ever. I’m about to face the biggest change that I’ve ever faced. Actually, I’ve never even faced any type of change other than changing schools. I have been living in the same house my whole entire life. Thinking about all of these stuff simultaneously drained my mind too much that i became too exhausted to even interact with the people that i love . It also made me feel sometimes blunt and rude. That’s why I chose to distance myself an avoid anyone that I might unintentionally hurt due to my mixed emotions.
Finally, I came up to the conclusion that I’m not actually a bad person nor I’m an exceptionally an authentic person. I am simply a person going through one of the biggest transitions of my life. Authenticity is not about never making mistakes. It is about being honest enough to recognize them and take responsibility for them.