Opinion

Band 7+: In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that some violent photos on television, as well as computer and video games, are responsible for increasing crime in society and the country. I completely agree with this viewpoint. This essay will discuss why I agree with this viewpoint.

There are numerous reasons for blaming violent images and video games for increasing crime. First of all, television shows demonstrate some aggressive videos or films which can badly affect people, especially children, as well as people who have just crossed the period of adolescence. Adolescence is the crucial stage of a person’s life because their mental and physical growth occurs at this time. If they watch action and aggressive videos or games on television or through any other devices, they will be affected a lot. As a result, they can unwillingly do illegal activities, which are considered crimes.

Apart from that, if people watch any romantic movies and films on television or using any other devices, they may be attracted to these things. As a consequence, they tend to do it at any cost. For this reason, many girls may be great victims of this consequence, which can destroy their lives. Moreover, by watching various cyber bullying activities on television, many robbers can learn from this. That is why criminal activities may extremely rise in social media also. As a result, people cannot lead a secure life; they have to remain in incredible threat.

To sum up, I assert that violent images watched on television and other popular technologies are extremely responsible for increasing crime around the world; as a result, people have to suffer in the long run.

Word Count: 271

Word Count: 274

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

television: 6

people: 5

violent: 3

games: 3

increasing: 3

crime: 3

which: 3

other: 3

result: 3

activities: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. The essay could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer focus on the link between violent images and crime. To improve, provide more concrete evidence and develop your arguments with greater precision.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally coherent and logically organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow. For example, in the second paragraph, elaborating further on how specific violent images affect children could strengthen the argument. Also, avoid repetition by rephrasing your viewpoint instead of directly stating "This essay will discuss why I agree with this viewpoint."

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to express the writer's ideas. However, there's room to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to elevate the writing. For instance, instead of saying "affected a lot," consider using more precise language like "profoundly influenced" or "significantly impacted." Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with very few errors. The sentence structures are varied and generally accurate. To further improve, focus on using more complex sentence structures where appropriate to add nuance and sophistication to the writing. For example, combining some of the shorter sentences could create a more fluid and sophisticated style.

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