Opinion

Band 4+: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.

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Around the world large number of residents who living in rural ares is moving to cities,hence reducing the number of individuals living in the coutryside.In my view, it is a positive development that more people settling to urban areas ,because they will have wide range of career opportunities,and higher standard of living

On the one hand, it is a beneficial deal that urban areas offer diverse job prospects for people living in coutryside. Furtheremore,the urban residents can secure job vacancies more quickly rather than rural people.As there were a wide variety of options, if they have high-qualifications,they can work everywhere such as schools,hospitals etc. Moreover they can earn a high-salary, whereas such opportunitiesare not affordable in the coutryside. For instance, my uncle used to work as a P.E teacher in small village, also he had quite limitted opportunities. At that time,he had a financial problems. However, after relocating to urban region he worked as a boxing coach, which enable him toearn a considerably highe income.Over the yers, this career advancement allowed him to establish his own gym.

On the other hand,moving to city can significantly enhance people lifestyle. They can afford them,high-quality education,modern accommodation, and crucially a stable and well-paid job.Consequently,they can lead more brighter future for their families.

In conclusion,l belive that this trend beneficial because urban areas offer not only abundant opportunities as well as higher standard of lifestyle

Word Count: 231

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

urban: 5

living: 3

people: 3

areas: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position that the trend is positive. You have provided relevant supporting ideas, such as career opportunities and improved living standards, and used a personal example to illustrate your point. However, the development of ideas is somewhat uneven. While the first body paragraph is relatively well-developed, the second body paragraph is quite brief and lacks specific details or examples to fully support the claim about lifestyle enhancement. To improve, aim to expand your supporting paragraphs by explaining 'how' or 'why' certain benefits occur. Additionally, ensure that your ideas are fully extended; for instance, instead of just listing 'modern accommodation' and 'education,' explain how access to these things specifically improves a person's quality of life compared to rural settings. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by poor punctuation and spacing (e.g., missing spaces after commas and periods). To improve, ensure that every sentence is properly separated by a space after punctuation to help the reader follow your thoughts. Additionally, work on using more sophisticated cohesive devices; while 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are used, the internal flow of sentences within paragraphs needs smoother transitions to avoid a 'choppy' feel.

Lexical Resource

You have attempted to use topic-specific vocabulary such as 'job prospects,' 'career advancement,' and 'relocating.' However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'ares' instead of 'areas', 'coutryside' instead of 'countryside', 'yers' instead of 'years') and imprecise word choices (e.g., 'beneficial deal' is unnatural; 'beneficial trend' would be better). To reach a higher band, focus on accuracy in spelling and try to use collocations more naturally. Avoid repeating the same words frequently and aim for a wider variety of synonyms.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede communication. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'residents... is moving'), verb tense consistency, and sentence structure (e.g., 'residents who living in rural ares'). There are also errors in comparative forms (e.g., 'more brighter' should be 'brighter'). I recommend reviewing basic sentence structures, specifically relative clauses and the use of articles. Practicing the distinction between present continuous and simple present tenses will also help improve the accuracy of your writing.

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Band 4+: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.

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Task Response

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Lexical Resource

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Essays On The Same Topic:

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.

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the increase in people's life expectancy means that they have to work till older age to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or a negative development?

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