Opinion

Band 5+: In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In modern world young generation tend to become fat and sick. Some people believe that the authority should locate solution this issue. While there is some truth to this belief, I find the idea rather insensible, thereaby disagreeing with it.

From one perspective, the government can affect daily habits to their citizens by use several methods. Firstly, if they control public advertisement and encourage healthy way of life, they may reach physical well-being. To explain, nowadays most publicities are about fasd food which support being overwight. Therefore, they should display more healthy products on TV or socail media and explain why the youth need these vitamins. Second reason is many young people lead a sedentary lifestyle because of digital technology or social media. That is why the state motivate their residents with rewards, to stay an active life.

On the other hand, being a good shape and living healthy life is really depand on their acts. The first way is parants should teach their childs what kind of goods are beneficial and restrict what their children eat. If they instruct a healthy way of life, thier children may learn and live physically fit. Moreover, it is individuals that can opt what type of life they want to live. For instance, when the government or their parents specify the appropriate life, they might tend to choose unhealty products and physical inactivity.

In conslusion, despite the adminstration can influence their citizents way of life with some ways, I believe the person can mark what kids of life they want to live.

Word Count: 259

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 7

healthy: 4

should: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position (disagreeing that government has the main responsibility). Ideas are relevant but lack precision and development. There are several language errors and unclear expressions that affect clarity. To improve, focus on developing each point with specific examples and clearer reasoning. Also, work on grammar, vocabulary, and sentence structure to enhance overall coherence and accuracy.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For example, the phrase 'thereby disagreeing with it' is not smoothly integrated. The use of cohesive devices like 'Firstly' and 'On the other hand' is present but could be more varied and natural. To improve, focus on linking sentences more logically within paragraphs and using a wider range of linking words appropriately.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate but limited and sometimes inaccurate. Words like 'insensible' and 'publicities' are not used correctly, and 'fasd food' is a misspelling. There is an attempt to use more sophisticated terms like 'sedentary lifestyle' and 'physical well-being', but overall the range is narrow. To improve, expand your vocabulary by reading more academic texts and practice using words in the correct context. Also, pay attention to word forms and collocations. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement ('young generation tend'), incorrect verb forms ('locate solution'), and missing articles ('In modern world'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, such as missing commas and incorrect use of periods. Sentence structures are mostly simple, with few complex sentences. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing more complex sentences, and proofread your work carefully to catch errors.

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