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Band 6+: In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is a common belief that long school holidays are essential for the development of children, while others argue that shorter school holidays are better for children. This essay would delve into discussing the two perspectives as well as stating my support for the latter.

On one hand, long school holidays provide young learners an opportunity for deep relaxation after periods of intense study. To be specific, a prolong break could contribute to a better timetable, which helps children to enjoy going on vacation with their family and experience the special culture of a wide range of countries that schools could not educate without particular experience. Another major reason why people support long holidays is that they allow children to participate in extracurricular activities and after-school clubs. To explain further, children being equip with extend knowledge outside academics, such as camping and volunteering, could broaden their horizons about the real world. However, this view still lacks benefits compare to the shorter school holidays.

On the other hand, shorter holidays help students to have a strong educational foundation and development. To elaborate further, shorter break allow students to maintain their knowledge without any dismissal, which sustained their concentration and prepare them for the upcoming school year, especially logical subjects requiring an extreme level of memory, such as math, science, or English. Furthermore, a shorter pause between school years could also reduce the chance of brain rotting. For example, children nowadays usually lack supervision from parents, causing children to often become hook on social media and doomscroll all day. As a result, this detriment could harm children physically and mentally. Consequently, shorter holidays could contribute to a child’s development in academic and mental health.

In conclusion, long school holidays are valuable because they allow young learners to have deep relaxation and participate in extracurricular activities, but they are outweighed by the benefit of shorter holidays, which could contribute to their academic and mental health.

Word Count: 322

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

holidays: 8

children: 8

school: 7

shorter: 7

could: 7

their: 5

development: 3

contribute: 3

which: 3

allow: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, presenting a clear position in favor of shorter holidays. The arguments are relevant and supported with examples, though some ideas could be more fully developed. There are minor lapses in precision and clarity, such as vague phrasing and grammatical errors, but overall the response is well-structured and coherent. To improve, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea, provide more specific examples, and refine language for greater accuracy.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each side, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is logical, and paragraphing is generally effective. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the link between the two body paragraphs could be more explicit. For example, the phrase 'this view still lacks benefits compare to the shorter school holidays' is a bit abrupt. Consider using more cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, such as 'Furthermore', 'In addition', or 'On the contrary'.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate to the task, such as 'deep relaxation', 'extracurricular activities', 'broaden their horizons', and 'doomscroll'. There is some attempt at sophistication, but there are also inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'a prolong break', 'children being equip with extend knowledge', and 'brain rotting'. To improve, focus on using precise and natural collocations, and ensure word forms are correct (e.g., 'prolonged break', 'equipped with extended knowledge', 'cognitive decline'). Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, with some good use of subordinate clauses. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as 'children being equip with extend knowledge', 'shorter break allow students', 'children to often become hook on social media', and 'this detriment could harm children'. Punctuation is mostly correct, but some sentences are run-ons or lack proper commas. To improve, review subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and article usage. Also, ensure that each sentence is grammatically complete and clear.

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