Discussion

Band 4+: In many countries, there is a growing trend of people choosing to live in urban areas rather than rural areas. Some believe this leads to various problems, while others argue it provides better opportunities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Nowadays many people prefer to alter their homeplace from peaceful and poor towns to rich and full of crowded cities. This action can happen due to little work opportunities, which force people to move on. That’s why a large amount of people go abroud or move to sities, which have ameliorating economic situation and offer a lot of opportunities to earn money.

Despite that, this massive moving can lead to different consequenses – both positive and negative. Firstly, massive hiring people assist to enhance economics and do the city more developing in all brunches of living, which give to people to live in convenient conditions. But, in other way, this type of increasing economics can lead to bad consequenses. Massive buildings flats and dormitories or factories pollute the air. Owing to that, a lot of people suffer from different problems with their health.

Other reason, why this moving can be harmful is connected with rural areas. Few people stay in their homes in this area. Therefore, little producion is made in rural areas. For example, producion of dairy products is not made enough for big cities. Due to that, deficit is happened.

So, desicion of moving to urban cities can be harmful for people and leads to bad conclusion.

Word Count: 209

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 8

their: 3

cities: 3

which: 3

massive: 3

moving: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of urbanization. A position is presented, but the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. The essay could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer structure. To improve, focus on providing more detailed explanations and supporting evidence for each point. Also, ensure that your position is consistently maintained throughout the essay. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. The connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened to improve the flow and readability. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument. Paragraphing needs improvement to better separate and develop distinct ideas.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and contains inaccuracies ('ameliorating economic situation,' 'massive hiring people'). There are also instances of unnatural phrasing ('full of crowded cities,' 'do the city more developing in all brunches of living'). Expanding your vocabulary and focusing on using words and phrases accurately and appropriately will enhance the clarity and impact of your writing. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors impede understanding and detract from the overall quality of the writing. Focus on improving your understanding of basic grammar rules and sentence construction. Review and correct errors in tense, agreement, and word order.

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