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Band 6+: In many countries today, major cities have become too big and overcrowded. Why is this? What measures could be taken to reduce this problem?

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In many countries nowadays, major cities have become too big and overcrowded. This essay aims to pinpoint underlying causes of this issue and to suggest workable strategies to reduce the terrible implication of it.

There are several underlying reasons why many major cities have become bigger and more overcrowded. Chief among these is having more opportunities for physical and mental development. With increasing investment in building modern infrastructure such as hospitals, educational environment, businesses, and services sectors, this attracts many people moving to urban areas to find better quality of life, and another reason is to find new jobs with stable earnings. For example, in mega cities where residents meet many special demands about education, finance, entertainment and public health, it opens more career opportunities for unemployed people. However these demandings are not well-developed in rural areas. One different reason can be explained why the big cities are crowded is that travel needs. Now, ride-hailing or online purchasing applications are the best choice for people owing to its convenience and speed. It is also more crowded, especially the times leading up to the holidays and rush hours.

To effectively address the harmful effects of this development, comprehensive solutions are imperative. A workable remedy is to expand tourism and encourage planning. The government could issue a planning policy to organise big tourism sites. From a city under provincial administration, Da Nang has become a major economic and cultural center, renowned as a livable city and a must-visit city with its integrated infrastructure, green landscapes, and unique social welfare policies. As a result, creating work and steady income for residents in life improvement, cultural preservation.

In conclusion, overpopulation remains a worrying issue that limits balanced development across regions. However, with strategic planning and investment in less developed areas, governments can reduce population pressure and promote more sustainable urban growth.

Word Count: 307

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

cities: 4

major: 3

become: 3

issue: 3

development: 3

people: 3

areas: 3

planning: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. However, there is some lack of focus and precision in supporting ideas. To improve, ensure that each point is clearly and directly linked to the question, and provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas into paragraphs, but the connection between sentences within paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions between ideas sometimes feel abrupt. For example, the shift from discussing job opportunities to travel needs in the second paragraph could be smoother. In the third paragraph, the example of Da Nang is relevant but could be more directly linked to the preceding point about expanding tourism and encouraging planning. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single, clear idea and use transition words to guide the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are not entirely accurate or natural ('terrible implication,' 'demandings'). There are also instances where more precise vocabulary could enhance the impact of your writing. For example, instead of 'having more opportunities for physical and mental development,' consider more specific terms like 'access to healthcare and education.' To improve your lexical resource, focus on learning synonyms and collocations to express your ideas more accurately and effectively.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present throughout. Common issues include incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement problems, and unclear pronoun references. For example, 'However these demandings are not well-developed in rural areas' contains grammatical errors. To improve your grammatical range and accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Pay close attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and pronoun usage. Proofreading carefully can help you identify and correct errors.

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