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Band 5+: In many parts of the world, people now often throw things away when they are broken and buy new ones, whereas in the past broken things were repaired and used again. Why do you think this is the case? What problems may it lead to?

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In most areas of the world, it is now stated that people are tend to throw their broken items and purchase again new ones, while unusable things were fixed to be used in the past. I think this development might be caused by several evolutionary changes and through this, some several issues people can be faced.

On the one hand, there are some reasons why broken items are thrown away by people even if they are usable. Previously, in our developing world, industry improvements are playing a significant role. As now there are various enhanced versions of every produced item that is changing every day, people are eager to buy new ones and use once they have a broken item. Another reason to be mentioned is people now use most of their objects more for its design, not for its quality and longevity. However, in comparison with ancient people, they used to use things continuosly for survival and to live conveniently, not for decoration that does not last long.

On the other hand, several problems can be occured by broken items being thrown away and people purchasing new ones repeatedly. One of the primary issues that should be concerned is overconsumption that harms the environment in the end. To produce almost all items that people shop requires its details from nature. Overconsumption by people has a noticeable impact on our earth. Furthermore, people may face a financial crisis by doing retail shopping continuosly. Most broken items better be repaired or recycled to use again for people rather than buying again the same thing that causes financial problems.

In conclusion, it is still debateable that people now throw broken items and buy again instead of fix them and re-use while ancient people used to repaire them. This phenomenon has plenty of factors of why it is happening such as industry developments. There are some serious problems we can face through this such as overconsumption, environmental dangers and financially bankrupcy that is hoped to be tackled.

Word Count: 334

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 13

broken: 6

items: 6

again: 4

several: 3

there: 3

overconsumption: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt, providing reasons for the shift in consumer behavior and identifying potential problems. A position is present throughout the response. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and occasionally lacks precision. For example, the comparison between 'ancient people' and modern people is a bit generalized and could be more nuanced. Some ideas, such as the link between overconsumption and environmental harm, are relevant but could be more deeply explained to show a clearer cause-and-effect relationship. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Depth of Development**: Instead of just stating that industry improvements cause people to buy new things, explain *how* (e.g., through planned obsolescence or rapid technological advancement making old models obsolete). 2. **Clarity and Precision**: Avoid vague phrasing like 'several evolutionary changes' or 'various enhanced versions.' Use more specific terminology related to consumerism and technology. 3. **Cohesion**: Ensure that the transition between ideas within paragraphs is smoother. Some sentences feel slightly disconnected from the main point of the paragraph. 4. **Grammar and Accuracy**: While this is a Task Response evaluation, note that grammatical errors (e.g., 'problems can be occured', 'financially bankrupcy') can sometimes obscure the clarity of your arguments. Improving sentence structure will help your ideas come across more forcefully.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs addressing the two parts of the prompt, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by awkward phrasing. For example, the transition between the idea of industrial improvement and the desire to buy new items could be smoother. To improve, focus on using cohesive devices (like 'Consequently,' 'As a result,' or 'This shift is driven by...') more naturally to link your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through your logic.

Lexical Resource

You have attempted to use a range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'overconsumption,' 'longevity,' 'environmental dangers'). However, there are several instances of word choice errors and awkward collocations, such as 'purchase again new ones,' 'financial bankruptcy,' and 'industry improvements are playing a significant role' (when referring to the past). There is also some repetition of words like 'people' and 'items.' To improve, work on learning natural word pairings (collocations) and try to use synonyms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of 'broken items,' you could use 'defective goods,' 'damaged appliances,' or 'faulty products.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are issues with verb tense consistency (mixing present and past when discussing historical trends), subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure (e.g., 'people are tend to throw' should be 'people tend to throw'). There are also errors in word form, such as 'financially bankruptcy' instead of 'financial bankruptcy.' To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures and ensuring that your tenses are consistent within a paragraph. Practicing the use of relative clauses and complex sentence structures will help increase your range, but prioritize accuracy in simple and compound sentences first.

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Band 5+: In many parts of the world, people now often throw things away when they are broken and buy new ones, whereas in the past broken things were repaired and used again. Why do you think this is the case? What problems may it lead to?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

In many parts of the world, people now often throw things away when they are broken and buy new ones, whereas in the past broken things were repaired and used again. Why do you think this is the case? What problems may it lead to?

In many parts of the world, people now often throw things away when they are broken and buy new ones, whereas in the past broken things were repaired and used again. Why do you think this is the case? What problems may it lead to?

In many parts of the world, people now often throw things away when they are broken and buy new ones, whereas in the past broken things were repaired and used again. Why do you think this is the case? What problems may it lead to?

In many parts of the world, people now often throw things away when they are broken and buy new ones, whereas in the past broken things were repaired and used again. Why do you think this is the case? What problems may it lead to?

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

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