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Band 4+: In some parts of the world, people buy far too many clothes. What are the reasons for this? How can people be persuaded to reduce the number of clothes they buy?

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Following fashion has been becoming commom in this time period. While younger already has so many clothes, they create their interst to buy new one.Some corners of the world it can be seen that many clothes are bought by people due to variours reasons. Althogh this phenomenen has some reasons as trending fashion and social media . This issue can be solved by create awarness among public and donation, recycling. This essay will shadow light on reasons and remedies side.

One of the most pressing issues arising from this situation is that influence of socail media and new trends. Teenagers follow social media to get update regarding new cloths, where celebrities shows and advertise various famous brands of cloths like zara, addidass and Gucci which really create desire among younger to buy and also they have greed to full their wardobe with fashionable clothes.Therefore, new trends which are latest,younger has curiosity to follow them.If they like something special on any website as instagram, facebook and tiktok , do start fight with their parents to achieve that cloths.For example, a research found in U.K in 1989 by Oxfam revealed that 65% of new younger bought that cloths whose they did not need. Hence, social media is the major cause in order to incraese sale of cloths.

One practical soltuion would be great is to think twice before purchasing and create awareness among public. If people think to buy only that cloths which they feel need instead of full wardobe with trendy cloths and resuse like making pots and mats with old cloths or donation of cloths to needy person rather tahn garbage. Not only it would be helpful to save money but also better way to make good environment . In this way, no one will follow social sites to purchase cloths and will think two time to waste their money,To cite aan epitome,In exhibition in China, teenagers are buying some hand made product which are made bye old cloths.Hence , this way is really good to encourage teenager.

To conclude, it is evident that eventhough younger are glued with phones to use social media and leads to buy new cloths according to new fashion and trends.Should governmnet take some action awareness , buying cloths too much could be improved significantly. As per my suggestion, if someone wants to get more cloths , should be given priority to quality rather han quantity.

Word Count: 401

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

cloths: 11

social: 5

media: 5

younger: 4

create: 4

their: 4

which: 4

fashion: 3

reasons: 3

among: 3

follow: 3

think: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

You have addressed both parts of the prompt, presenting reasons for excessive clothing purchases (social media influence and fashion trends) and suggesting solutions (awareness, donation, recycling). Your position is clear, and you have provided examples to support your ideas. However, the development of ideas could be more precise and focused. For instance, the solution part could be more detailed, and some arguments lack clear connection to the topic. Additionally, there are numerous grammatical and spelling errors, and the essay's organization could be improved. To enhance your response, work on clearer paragraphing, more precise vocabulary, and proofreading to reduce errors. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your examples are fully relevant and well-explained.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is often disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear references. The main ideas are present but not always logically developed. To improve, use clearer topic sentences and connect sentences within paragraphs more smoothly. Ensure each paragraph has a single clear focus and use cohesive devices (e.g., 'firstly', 'moreover', 'consequently') to guide the reader.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary range is limited and there are multiple errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., 'commom', 'interst', 'variours', 'Althogh', 'phenomenen', 'awarness', 'soltuion', 'incraese', 'resuse', 'tahn', 'aan', 'epitome', 'bye', 'eventhough', 'governmnet', 'han'). Some attempts at advanced vocabulary are made but often used incorrectly. To improve, expand your vocabulary and practice using words in the correct context. Also, proofread to avoid spelling errors. Use synonyms to avoid repetition and ensure precise word choice. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammar errors, including subject-verb agreement, article usage, tense consistency, and sentence structure issues. For instance, 'Following fashion has been becoming' should be 'Following fashion has become', 'younger already has' should be 'younger people already have', and 'create their interst' should be 'they become interested'. The sentences are often long and run-on, making them difficult to follow. To improve, practice writing shorter, clearer sentences and focus on grammar fundamentals. Review common error patterns and consider seeking feedback to correct recurring issues.

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