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Band 6+: It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation?

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Nowadays, it is very challenging for small entrepreneurs to thrive in the midst of large supermarkets and online stores and this is having a negative impact on the community. The main problems of this trend and how it can be addressed will be discussed in this essay.

Regarding problems, one of the biggest challenges the community faces when small business owners are not allowed to grow is that it prevents economic growth and development. Though these shops are small in size, they contribute significantly to the earnings of the community because they are large in number. In addition to their numbers, these businesses are also potential big businesses just like Coca-Cola that started with just one black kettle. Another major problem the community will be plagued with is that of an increase in unemployment. Because small upcoming businesses are not allowed to grow, they are forced to close down their shops and look for white-collar jobs. As a result of this, more people will have no choice but to join the already saturated labour market to look for jobs further putting a strain on the community.

Coming to solutions, the government has a very important role to play to give these small businesses a chance to survive. One of the ways the government can help is through loans. When loans are freely accessible to small shop owners, they are encouraged to put up a good fighting spirit against their bigger rivals. In addition to loans, the government can also subsidise the goods and services produced by these shops. With this subsidy in place, they will enjoy a very high patronage which will result in their survival.

In conclusion, the community is affected negatively in terms of a lack of economic growth and an increase in unemployment. However, the government can easily solve these problems through financial aid and subsidies.

Word Count: 309

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

small: 6

community: 5

these: 5

their: 4

businesses: 4

government: 4

problems: 3

shops: 3

loans: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the challenges faced by small local shops competing with supermarkets and online stores, as well as proposing solutions to improve the situation. The position is clear, but the depth of exploration could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the points made. Additionally, some ideas are not fully developed, such as the impact on local communities beyond economic aspects. To enhance the task response, consider expanding on the effects on community cohesion, culture, and social interactions.

Coherence & Cohesion

6.5

The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are presented logically, and there is a progression of arguments. However, there are some coherence issues due to repetitive language and lack of variety in linking words. To improve coherence and cohesion, work on using a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively and avoid repetition.

Lexical Resource

6.5

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some attempts at sophistication. However, there are instances of imprecise word choices and inaccuracies that slightly affect the overall lexical resource score. To enhance lexical resource, aim for more precise and varied vocabulary choices, especially when discussing complex economic and community-related concepts. Additionally, consider incorporating more idiomatic expressions and collocations to add sophistication to the language use.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

6.5

The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and inconsistencies in sentence construction that impact the overall score. Work on improving subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence clarity to enhance grammatical range and accuracy. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation usage to ensure the writing flows smoothly and accurately conveys the intended meaning.

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