Opinion

Band 5+: Lifespan Longer life makes our lives convenient because it offers us more opportunities; nevertheless, it provides us isolation and loneliness simultaneously.

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Lifespan

*****Have you ever wondered if lifespan could change your life? A longer life creates more challenges in some aspects, but it also creates more opportunities in others. A longer life makes our world more convenient because it offers us more opportunities; nevertheless, it simultaneously provides us with isolation and loneliness.

First and most importantly, long life offers us more long-term benefits. Immortality is fascinating ability because it gives us more time to learn so many languages, and experiencing multiple life-changing experience. Additionally, it makes us vigorous during our career due to the considerable amount of professions, and you will empathic the feeling of being able to smell of new meals and coffee. For example, you will feel more comfortable to have time to smell flowers to listen to see sound, and tast a lot of meals during life.

On the other hand, being outlive is going to make you isolation and presumptuous because of seeing all your close people dying constantly. Doing tedious professions can destroy sight of our society, and make our world more complicated. Moreover, there are disparate things in our global can make us ultimately worrisome, which repeating your ordinary days. For instance, tasting the same coffee everyday, eating the usual meals, smelling the same flowers, can destroy your delighted feeling of immortality.

In conclusion, lifespan has pros and cons, but you have to know how to explore the essential chances and avoid the feeling of isolation and loneliness during your life. After knowing this information, are you ready to experience a long life?

Word Count: 258

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

because: 3

isolation: 3

during: 3

feeling: 3

meals: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the connections between your ideas and the prompt. Also, ensure a more formal tone and avoid overly general statements.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some attempt at organization, but the ideas are not always logically connected. Paragraphing is present, but the transitions between ideas within and between paragraphs need improvement. The introduction and conclusion are somewhat weak and don't fully support the arguments presented. To improve coherence, focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph and using transition words to link ideas more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are instances of inaccurate word choice. The language used is not always appropriate for academic writing. To enhance lexical resource, try to incorporate more varied and precise vocabulary related to the topic. Focus on learning synonyms and collocations to express your ideas more effectively.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including issues with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. These errors impede clarity and affect the overall quality of the writing. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Pay attention to punctuation and ensure that sentences are grammatically correct before moving on to more complex structures.

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