Opinion

Band 4+: Many people believe that reducing the income gap between the rich and the poor can lead to a happier society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Most of the individuals think that the best way to establish a joyful society is to diminish the difference between the wages of rich and poor.

In my opinion, i partially believe in advantages and partially in disadvantages, by diminishing such motive will be beneficial for the society yet there would some disadvantages also.

Initially, if such motive will be decrease, inequality will get remove from the society. There will be some inequality which will get raise by the people of society by differentiating the income of rich and poor. Afterwards, there will be decrease in poverty and suffering, as poor family will able to afford the education, healthcare and etc.. The society will become more harmonious and stable for both type of individuals and can also bring the social unity. Economic inequality can also bring the violence among the citizen of society, such purposes can also be diminish.

Secondary, if we try to decrease such motive, there will be a possible slowdown in economic growth as there will be excessive distribution of money among the people which can decrease the hard work and innovation. Individual will not get any motivation to work hard for their wages. Mainly such issues will occur to the high skill individuals the reason being this will be the professionals who are highly skilled and still get the unfairly reward from the society.

To conclude, by diminishing the gap of income between the rich and poor will be a great step for the society. But, there are flaws also. Such steps are great and can also be taken. However, we need to take care about the disadvantages also.

Word Count: 273

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

society: 7

there: 6

decrease: 4

individuals: 3

disadvantages: 3

motive: 3

inequality: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position (partial agreement). However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks precision. While the main points - social harmony versus economic motivation - are relevant, they are not sufficiently extended or explained with depth. There is also significant reliance on repetitive phrasing and some awkward sentence structures that occasionally obscure the intended meaning. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Idea Development**: Instead of just stating that poverty will decrease, explain *how* reducing the gap specifically leads to a 'happier' society (e.g., by reducing crime rates or increasing social cohesion). 2. **Cohesion and Coherence**: Use a wider range of cohesive devices. Avoid repetitive phrases like 'such motive' or 'diminishing the gap.' 3. **Grammatical Accuracy**: Work on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. For example, 'if such motive will be decrease' is grammatically incorrect; it should be 'if such a gap is reduced.' 4. **Vocabulary**: Use more precise academic vocabulary. Instead of 'joyful society,' consider 'prosperous society' or 'socially cohesive community.' Instead of 'diminish such motive,' use 'reducing income inequality.'

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often difficult to follow due to awkward phrasing and improper use of cohesive devices. For example, the use of 'Initially' and 'Secondary' is somewhat mechanical, and the transition between ideas within paragraphs is abrupt. To improve, focus on using logical connectors (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', 'Consequently') to show the relationship between your points more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph has one clear central topic sentence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite limited and often repetitive (e.g., frequent use of 'motive', 'society', and 'diminish' in incorrect contexts). There are several instances where word choices are inaccurate, such as using 'motive' when 'measure' or 'policy' would be more appropriate, or 'get remove' instead of 'be removed'. To improve, work on learning collocations (words that naturally go together) and aim to use a wider variety of synonyms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of 'rich and poor', you could use 'affluent and underprivileged' or 'high and low-income earners'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and significantly impede the reader's understanding. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure (e.g., 'by diminishing such motive will be beneficial' is a fragmented construction). There are also errors in article usage and prepositional phrases. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures, particularly the use of conditional sentences (If... then...) and passive voice. Practicing the distinction between gerunds and infinitives will also help in constructing more complex and accurate sentences.

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