Opinion

Band 4+: Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answers and include examples from your experience.

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Nowday money is most important for every indivial. Many humans believe that currency is important to get happiness. This essay examine why money is important for happiness in my upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with, there are several reason that why money buy happiness. Predominantly, rich person able to purchase anything that they wish. To explain it, wealthy human able to buy items like new technological items, luxury car and more without any objection that why they person become happy. For example: the BBC (British broadcasting cooperation) reveals that elon musk the most wealthiest person in 21st century, there wealth estimated 800 billion dollars and they able to spent over $10 million per day and take 135 years to exhaust their own money. Hence, the example shows that the wealthiest person able to spent anywhere without any problem.

Additionally, money make popular wealthiest person in society. To explicate it, rich person has more honour than poor people because they have money and they wear branded cloths and come with luxury place in any distination. Another human welcome the richest people apart from poor people. that’s why the richest person happy rather than poor individual.

Secondly, wealthiest people are able to help another individual. To explicate it, Some persons have financial problem they not able to purchase any items. Richest person able to help any poor individual and able to purchase anything for other person that why wealthiest person make happy.

To conclude, richest individual able to purchase any luxury item and make person happy. whilst, send item to poor person is make happier too. that’s why money able to make happy any categories.

Word Count: 272

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

person: 12

money: 7

wealthiest: 5

purchase: 4

happy: 4

people: 4

richest: 4

important: 3

happiness: 3

items: 3

luxury: 3

individual: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and could be more developed. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the connections between money and happiness. Also, ensure that your arguments are logically structured and easy to follow.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's structure is somewhat discernible, but the flow of ideas is frequently disrupted by unclear connections and a lack of transitional phrases. Paragraphing is attempted, but the ideas within each paragraph are not always logically connected. To improve coherence, focus on using clear topic sentences, transitional words and phrases, and ensuring each paragraph has a central, unified idea. For example, the introduction could more clearly state the essay's purpose and scope.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, limiting the essay's ability to express nuanced ideas. There are also instances of incorrect word choice ('indivial,' 'explicate it,' 'distination'). To enhance lexical resource, try to use a wider range of vocabulary and pay close attention to the correct usage of words in context. Consider using a thesaurus to find synonyms, but always ensure the new words fit the intended meaning. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and improper use of articles and prepositions. Sentence structure is often awkward and unclear, making it difficult to understand the intended meaning. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Review grammar concepts and seek feedback on your writing to identify and correct errors.

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