Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 6+: More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Increasingly, parents nowadays are not restricting their children to use their digital devices such as computers or tablets because they believe that it is really significant for their children’s technological development and advancement. In this essay, I will explore the advantages and disadvantages of this perspective. Firstly, I will discuss the positives of children’s usefulness in computers and secondly, I will share the negative sides this could hold on to.

In addressing the primary benefits, the main advantages of technology is that children will have a broad range of knowledge which is undoubtedly beneficial for one’s development and critical thinking. The underlying logic here is that when students are given exposure to new equipment, such as mobile or laptop, they tend to research things they find fascinating. For example, if students are keen on learning about data analytics, with the help of sources like ChatGPT or Gemini, they can easily find where they could gain more knowledge about pythons or SQL and can immediately work on that. Additionally, utilization of resources could have a significant impact on their career choices as well. Consequently, these factors make children exceptional in the field related to information technology.

While advantages are significant, the secondary issue of liabilities relies heavily on personal growth and engagement with the social circle. If individuals are stuck with their appliances they become less social, resulting in isolation.The excessive use of things could lead to problems such as ADHD or OCD, where they cannot fully pay attention to their school daily tasks as well. Moreover, they also avoid taking part in extra curricular activities, which not only affect their physical well-being,but also worsen their mental health. Therefore, the long-term ramifications of these drawbacks carry undeniable weight.

In conclusion, although more exposure to technology remains a source of someone’s strength and knowledge in their arena, this reality is heavily counterbalanced by causes such as ADHD or OCD.

Word Count: 317

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 9

could: 4

children: 3

significant: 3

advantages: 3

knowledge: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. You have successfully identified both the benefits (knowledge acquisition and career preparation) and the drawbacks (social isolation and health issues). The ideas are relevant and supported with examples, such as the mention of specific programming languages and AI tools. However, to reach a higher band, you should ensure that your conclusion more explicitly answers the 'outweigh' part of the question. While you mention that drawbacks 'carry undeniable weight,' a more direct statement confirming whether the advantages are greater or lesser than the disadvantages would strengthen your position. Additionally, ensure that your supporting ideas are more precisely linked; for instance, the connection between computer use and specific clinical diagnoses like OCD should be handled with more nuance to avoid overgeneralization.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for both sides, and a conclusion. However, the progression within paragraphs could be smoother. Some cohesive devices feel a bit mechanical (e.g., 'Firstly', 'secondly', 'In addressing the primary benefits'). To improve, try to use more natural transitions that link the ideas themselves rather than just signaling the structure. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion directly answers the prompt's question regarding whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, as the current conclusion is somewhat neutral.

Lexical Resource

You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'technological development', 'data analytics', 'long-term ramifications'). However, there are several instances of imprecise word choices or awkward collocations. For example, 'children's usefulness in computers' is incorrect (it should be 'the usefulness of computers for children'), and 'liabilities relies heavily on' is not quite natural. Aim to use more precise academic collocations and ensure that the words you choose fit the context of the sentence perfectly.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

You use a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences with subordinate clauses. However, there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally hinder the flow. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'the main advantages... is'), incorrect preposition usage, and some awkward phrasing (e.g., 'restricting their children to use'). Pay close attention to singular/plural agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences more accurately will help elevate your score.

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