Positive And Negative

Band 5+: More and more people today are spending a large amount of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative progression?

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nowadays many people spent a lot of money for enhance their physical appearance to seem younger.

One reason is that many people pay attention to their appearance. One significant reason is the influence of social media, where many bloggers and celebrities frequently invest substantial amounts of money in enhancing their appearance or actively promote beauty-related products. As a result, ordinary individuals are exposed to these idealised images and become inclined to imitate them. Consequently, this often leads people to spend excessively on their physical appearance in an attempt to achieve similar results.

Furthermore, an increasing number of people are becoming overly dependent on artificial beauty treatments rather than embracing natural appearance. This is a worrying trend, as it can have detrimental effects on their health and potentially result in severe medical conditions.Nevertheless, many individuals fail to realise the potential risks and simply follow current trends without hesitation. This behaviour not only leads to unnecessary financial expenses but also puts their health at serious risk.

in conclusion i think this things a negative trend because it is harmful for peoples health and it is waste of money

Word Count: 186

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 6

appearance: 5

people: 4

money: 3

health: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on the potential health risks associated with artificial beauty treatments. Also, ensure a clearer connection between the reasons for wanting to look younger and the overall positive or negative impact. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an adequate arrangement of ideas into paragraphs, but the connection between them could be strengthened. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, which affects the flow of the argument. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas more explicitly.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to express ideas, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. Expanding your vocabulary and focusing on using more specific and nuanced language could enhance the clarity and impact of your writing.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are present and occasionally impede understanding. Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing basic grammar rules and proofreading carefully for errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.

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