Band 5+: Population is cities is growing rapidly. What are the reasons and affects?

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by identifying reasons (employment and services) and effects (economic growth and infrastructure issues). A position is present, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited and repetitive. The conclusion largely restates the body paragraphs without adding new depth or a sophisticated synthesis of the arguments. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Development of Ideas**: Instead of just listing reasons and effects, try to explain *how* or *why* they lead to the result. For example, explain how an increased workforce specifically drives economic growth. 2. **Avoid Repetition**: The conclusion repeats the same points made in the body paragraphs almost verbatim. Use the conclusion to summarize your main points using different vocabulary and sentence structures. 3. **Cohesion and Coherence**: The use of 'On the other hand' in the third paragraph is incorrect because it is used twice to introduce two different points, rather than to show a contrast between two opposing ideas. Use transition words like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' or 'Furthermore' for lists, and reserve 'On the other hand' for contrasting views. 4. **Vocabulary and Grammar**: Be careful with word choices (e.g., 'affects' is a verb, while 'effects' is the noun required in most instances here) and phrasing (e.g., 'unavailability of moving fast among city' is unclear and should be phrased more naturally, such as 'reduced mobility within the city'). The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is a significant error in the use of cohesive devices. You used 'On the other hand' twice in a row to introduce both a positive and a negative effect; 'On the one hand' should have been used for the first point to create a proper contrast. Additionally, the conclusion repeats much of the information from the body paragraphs almost verbatim, which makes the writing feel repetitive rather than a summary. To improve, use a wider variety of linking words and ensure the conclusion synthesizes your points rather than just restating them.

The vocabulary used is functional but quite basic and repetitive (e.g., repeating 'urban areas', 'well-paid jobs', and 'opportunities' multiple times). There is also a frequent confusion between the noun 'effects' and the verb 'affects'. For example, 'significant affects' should be 'significant effects'. To reach a higher band, try to use synonyms (e.g., instead of 'big urban areas', use 'metropolises' or 'densely populated cities') and ensure you are using the correct word forms.

While the essay is generally understandable, there are several grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings. Issues include preposition usage (e.g., 'search well-paid jobs' should be 'search for well-paid jobs'), article usage, and awkward phrasing such as 'unavailability of moving fast among city'. There are also issues with sentence structure in the conclusion, such as starting a sentence with 'And also'. Focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring that your phrasing sounds natural to a native speaker.