Discussion

Band 4+: Some argue that governments should spend more money on public services like healthcare and education rather than the arts. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people think that government should spend budget into the arts, though others think money should spend on health care and education. This essay will discuss why government should spend more money on arts and why government need supporting health care and education.

Government continue spending amount of money into the arts. Some people think we should funding art a lot because invest into art can create a lot of new working places, also art can attract attention among turists who want to visit country. For example, if goverment will build more museums and orginize exibitions which will bring a lot of money for country.

On the other hand people consider that goverment should spend money to our health care and education. If they will support more in hospitals, schools and universities, goverment and people can have many benefits from this decision. For example, new hospitals can accept a lot of people because of this figure of sick people will decrease, furthermore every school will have less students in every class that can do the education more comfortable. Students in university can get many scolarships for their education.

In conclusion, while there are valid arguments. There are two sides of meaning some group of people think our country should funding the arts more that education and health and others think a lot of money should spend into schools and universities. I think goverment should investate more money to our health care and education, because it will bring stronger impact for country than supporting arts.

Word Count: 254

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

should: 8

people: 7

money: 7

think: 6

spend: 5

health: 5

education: 5

goverment: 4

government: 3

because: 3

country: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both views and giving an opinion, but the development is limited and lacks clarity in places. The position is stated in the conclusion, but the body paragraphs do not consistently support it with well-developed ideas. There are issues with relevance and precision: for example, the first body paragraph focuses on the benefits of arts funding but does not clearly link to the prompt's requirement to discuss why some argue for arts, and the second body paragraph lists benefits of healthcare and education without clear explanation. The essay also contains repetition and some irrelevant details (e.g., 'less students in every class'). To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, develop ideas with specific examples and explanations, and maintain a clear line of argument throughout. Also, proofread for grammatical errors and word choice to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear referencing. For example, the introduction states the essay will discuss both views but does not clearly outline the structure. The conclusion introduces new ideas (e.g., 'stronger impact') and repeats points without synthesis. To improve, use clear topic sentences, ensure each paragraph has a single main idea, and use cohesive devices (e.g., 'on the one hand', 'furthermore') more accurately. Also, avoid abrupt shifts between ideas and ensure the conclusion summarizes the discussion and states your opinion clearly.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some attempts at less common words (e.g., 'invest', 'attract attention', 'benefits'). However, there are frequent errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'spend budget into', 'funding art', 'orginize exibitions', 'investate'). These errors reduce clarity and precision. To improve, expand your vocabulary for discussing public spending and the arts, and practice using words in correct contexts. Use synonyms to avoid repetition (e.g., 'healthcare' and 'education' are repeated often). Also, ensure correct spelling and word forms (e.g., 'government', 'organize', 'exhibitions', 'scholarships'). Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity, including subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'government continue', 'people think we should funding'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'should spend', 'will support'), and missing articles (e.g., 'the arts', 'a lot of money'). There are also run-on sentences and fragments (e.g., 'For example, if goverment will build more museums and orginize exibitions which will bring a lot of money for country.'). To improve, focus on basic sentence structure, use correct tense and agreement, and proofread for common errors. Practice writing complex sentences with appropriate conjunctions and ensure each sentence has a clear subject and verb.

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