Opinion

Band 5+: Some believe that the government should support artists like musicians, painters, and poets, while others argue that this is a misuse of funds. Consider both arguments and present your viewpoint.

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In contemporary society, many individuals believe that administration should support artists, while others argue that the money should be spent on public services. This essay will explore both aspects before asserting that, despite the merits of supporting artists , allocating government fund on public services offers more far-reaching and impactful approach to addressing national needs.

Proponents of artists support often highlight immediate and short term benefits. Allocation of funds to support artists allows to foster extra curricular activities by nurturing national culture. For instance, Russia encourages their singers to spread their identity, history as well as culture to the whole world. As a result, students of every educationao institutions may show interest in their nation’s culture an play an effective role.

Conversely, the argument for spending money on public services rests on broader impact. Ensuring proper enhancement in public hospitals, school or roads can lead to a significant economical development. Not only productivity, but it will also improve the quality of life. For example, roads with poor condition can create a detrimental effect on communication. Moreover, a country is considerably depended on their public services which is a key part of overall enhancement.

In conclusion, despite the understandable approach of providing support towards artists, I firmly believe that, spending money on public health is more favourable due to it’s greater impact.

Word Count: 221

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

public: 6

artists: 5

support: 4

services: 4

their: 4

money: 3

culture: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is limited and lacks precision. The first body paragraph on supporting artists is underdeveloped and contains a vague example. The second body paragraph on public services is slightly better but still lacks specific support. The conclusion is brief and does not fully summarize the argument. To improve, provide more detailed and relevant examples, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and fully developed supporting points, and expand the conclusion to reinforce your position. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear referencing. For example, 'Proponents of artists support often highlight immediate and short term benefits' could be more smoothly phrased. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses some appropriate vocabulary, such as 'contemporary society', 'far-reaching', and 'detrimental effect'. However, there are several lexical errors and awkward choices, such as 'administration' instead of 'government', 'extra curricular activities' (should be 'extracurricular'), and 'educationao institutions' (should be 'educational institutions'). The range of vocabulary is limited, and some phrases are repetitive. To improve, expand your vocabulary and use more precise and natural expressions. Also, ensure correct word forms and collocations.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include 'allocating government fund on public services' (should be 'allocating government funds to public services'), 'allows to foster' (should be 'allows fostering' or 'allows us to foster'), 'students of every educationao institutions' (should be 'students of every educational institution'), and 'it's greater impact' (should be 'its greater impact'). There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. To improve, focus on grammar accuracy, particularly in areas such as prepositions, articles, and verb forms. Practice writing sentences with varied structures and proofread carefully.

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