Discussion

Band 5+: Some people believe that businesses should focus on making profits, while others argue that they should also prioritize social responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is a common perception that the businesses should focus only on the financial aspect, while others believe that social responsibilities play a vital role as well. In this essay, I will discuss both views and express my own perspective.

Granted, one might argue that companies generate profits only can maintain their survival and development. To operate a business, the running cost such as renting workplace, paying salary or tax are extremely vital, demanding a balance financial level for afford them. Therefore, concentracing on a particular goal could be an adventage approach for private office, which create a comfortable zone for them to grow. While this view is true to some extent, it fails to consider legal concerns and the environmental aspect.

To add further credence to my point of view, I firmly believe that allocating resources to eco-friendly systems and social issues bring more viable effects. Initially, when businesses aware and do practical policies about green project like invest in recycling systems and manage waste amount, they can avoid extra fine and serious environmental issues. Furthermore, environment campaigns may practically boost the company appearance and raise customers’ trust. For instance, big co-operators and also furthur buyers will pay attention more on them through social feedbacks and articles.

In conclusion, while focusing on just financial view can bring safe benefits, concentrating on social responsibilities as well creat development opportunities. From my point of view, businesses should balance both things for sustainable growth.

Word Count: 242

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

social: 4

businesses: 3

financial: 3

while: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt. You have discussed both the profit-driven perspective and the social responsibility perspective, and you provided a clear personal opinion in the conclusion. The position is consistent throughout the response. To improve your score, focus on the following: 1. **Depth of Development**: While you mentioned the importance of profit for survival, the development of this point was somewhat brief. Expanding on *why* profit is the primary driver (e.g., shareholder expectations or economic stability) would strengthen the argument. 2. **Precision in Supporting Ideas**: In the second body paragraph, you transition from discussing social responsibility to focusing heavily on environmental issues. While environmentalism is a part of social responsibility, ensuring you also touch upon other aspects (like labor rights or community support) would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt. 3. **Grammatical Accuracy and Word Choice**: There are several minor grammatical errors (e.g., 'companies generate profits only can maintain', 'concentracing', 'extra fine') and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'private office' instead of 'private companies'). Refining your sentence structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement will help elevate the academic tone of the essay. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. While you use cohesive devices like 'Granted', 'To add further credence', and 'In conclusion', they occasionally feel mechanical. To improve, focus on ensuring that each sentence flows naturally into the next by using more varied linking words and ensuring that the relationship between your ideas is clear through better sentence structure.

Lexical Resource

You attempt to use a range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'financial aspect', 'social responsibilities', 'eco-friendly systems', 'sustainable growth'). However, there are several instances of incorrect word choices and spelling errors (e.g., 'concentracing', 'adventage', 'co-operators', 'furthur'). Some phrases are also unidiomatic, such as 'demanding a balance financial level for afford them'. Aim to learn collocations (words that naturally go together) to make your vocabulary use sound more natural and precise.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'companies generate profits only can maintain'), article usage (e.g., 'the businesses'), and sentence construction (e.g., 'when businesses aware and do practical policies'). You attempt complex sentences, but they often lack the necessary grammatical accuracy to be effective. I recommend focusing on mastering basic sentence structures, verb tenses, and the use of relative clauses before attempting more complex academic phrasing.

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Lexical Resource

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