Opinion

Band 6+: Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educaional tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an dverse deffet on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweight the benefits?

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

People argue about the benefits of video games, some people believe that they may be beneficial, while others believe that video games can be harmful. I think that video games can have both positive and negative sides. In the next paragraphs I will describe which side wins in this debate.

On the one hand, video games can develop your mind skills and games can be used as a useful educational tool. For example, I improved my English using the game Minecraft , when I played I remembered the names of objects and items in English and understood them in Russian. I also played in the game Dota 2, using this game I developed a few key skills which improved my life. It is multitasking and strategic thinking. In Dota 2, I should keep my eye on the minimap while thinking about how to start the fight. That is why multitasking and strategic thinking from Dota 2 became valuable tools not only for gaming, but also for my everyday tasks.

On the other hand, video games can also have some harmful effects. For example, spending over hours in front of the screen can lead to physical issues like blurred vision and back problems. Also if you playing computer games too much it can cause mental problems and emotional stress, it can blur reality and virtual world. That is why you should not play computer games too much because it can be harmful.

In conclusion, I believe that video games do more beneficial than harm. By playing in a balanced way, you can clear any negative consequences and benefit from playing computer games.

Word Count: 271

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

games: 10

video: 6

believe: 3

thinking: 3

playing: 3

computer: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant, but the support lacks precision in places. To improve, ensure that each point is thoroughly explained and directly linked back to the central argument. Consider providing more specific examples and elaborating on the potential drawbacks to strengthen the discussion.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an adequate arrangement of information and ideas, with a discernible overall structure. However, the progression of ideas could be smoother, and the connections between sentences and paragraphs could be more explicitly established to enhance coherence. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to guide the reader through your argument more effectively. For example, in the introduction, you could more clearly state your position and how you intend to support it. In the body paragraphs, ensure each point is fully developed and clearly linked back to the main argument. The conclusion summarizes the main points but could be strengthened by providing a more decisive statement of your opinion.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise and sophisticated. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, there's room to enhance the expression of ideas through a broader and more nuanced selection of words. For example, instead of 'develop your mind skills,' consider using more specific and impactful phrases like 'enhance cognitive abilities' or 'sharpen mental acuity.' Also, try to avoid repetition of words and phrases by using synonyms. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a fair range of grammatical structures, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. Sentence structures are generally simple, and there's an opportunity to incorporate more complex constructions to convey ideas more effectively. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and the appropriate use of articles and prepositions. For example, 'if you playing computer games too much' should be 'if you play computer games too much' or 'if you are playing computer games too much'. Proofreading carefully for these types of errors will improve the overall grammatical accuracy.

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