Discussion

Band 4+: Some people think art should be taught in schools, while others believe it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In today’s world, art is becoming essential for everyone, but some individual thing that art should be created for entertainment for people while other believe that art should be For education purpose. I will discuss both the view and give my opinion in conclusion.

On the one hand , mostly people are facing ample stress in daily life and that type of people Use art for entertainment purpose. For example, listening to music, visiting art galleries and watching dance for enjoyment, which help them to reduce their tension and provide relaxation. As per this perspective should be made for happiness instead of study purpose.

On the other hand , learners learn many things from arts as real vision and true knowledge. To explain, cultural and traditional movie, historical painting which help to easily understand cultural and traditional things through vision and they can get historical knowledge by painting, which is more convenient rather than enjoyment. So, in this perspective art is more effective for educational purpose.

To conclude, After seeing both views, I think art is more convenient for enjoyment as dance, movie and other arts help to reduce stress and provide happiness for people while at is not making for just educational purpose.

Word Count: 204

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 4

should: 3

other: 3

purpose: 3

enjoyment: 3

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, the ideas presented lack clarity and could be more developed. The arguments are somewhat simplistic and could benefit from more specific examples and deeper analysis. To improve, focus on providing more detailed explanations and supporting evidence for your claims. Also, ensure that your opinion is clearly stated and consistently supported throughout the essay. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to discuss both views and provide an opinion, but the organization and flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are present but somewhat weak. Transitions between paragraphs and ideas are not always smooth, affecting the overall coherence. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, using 'Furthermore' or 'In contrast' can help to clarify the relationship between different points of view.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is relatively basic and lacks precision. There are instances of inappropriate word choice and a limited range of vocabulary. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary related to art, education, and entertainment. Use a thesaurus to find synonyms and avoid repetition of words. Pay attention to the correct usage of words in context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors impede clarity and affect the overall quality of the writing. Focus on improving your understanding of basic grammar rules and sentence construction. Practice writing simple sentences and gradually incorporate more complex structures as your accuracy improves. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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