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Band 5+: Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children. Others think parents needn't do that as children can read books or watch TV, movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is argued that it is crucial for parents to read stories for children, while some individuals consider it is not as important to read because of a plenty of sources to read such as books, TV, movies or Internet. In this essay, I will examine both view prior to proposing my opinion for this.

Parents read or tell stories for their kids play a vital role in enhancing their creativity, and improving their mindset. Reading stories for children is a method making children to think and imagine what they are listening to, which foster their creativity and imagination ability. Additionally, stories bring moral lessons and values, which can inspire and affect children’ mindset, and some children cannot understand them so that parents can explain the purpose of the stories through telling them for their kids.

In reverse, technology offers more reading sources for children. The development of the digital technology, children can read from many kind of sources such as Audiobooks, YouTube, TV, or movies. Kids. Those sources of reading are accessible and variety, making kids easily choose what they want to read. Besides, those are suitable for busy modern lifestyle, as parents may lack of time to spend time reading for their children, technology will be a convenient educational media for children when their parents are busy with their work.

In conclusion, while there are valid arguments on both side, I believe that technology cannot fully replace parents. Technology lacks of emotional connection and children benefit more from two-way communication. Technology should support for parents to educate their kids, it cannot replace parents.

Word Count: 265

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

children: 9

their: 9

parents: 7

technology: 6

stories: 5

sources: 4

reading: 4

cannot: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt, presenting both views and offering an opinion. The ideas are relevant, but some points lack detailed support and could benefit from more specific examples. To improve, focus on developing each point more fully with clear explanations and illustrations. Also, pay attention to grammatical accuracy and word choice to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to discuss both views and provide an opinion, but the organization could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the transitions between ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs are not always smooth. Consider using clearer topic sentences and transition words to guide the reader. Paragraphing is generally adequate, but could be more effectively used to separate and develop distinct ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of imprecise word choice and awkward phrasing. For example, "a plenty of sources" and "making children to think" could be improved. Focus on using more accurate and natural-sounding vocabulary. Expanding your vocabulary and using synonyms can enhance the quality of your writing. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and impact clarity. Errors include incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and problems with articles and prepositions. For example, "Parents read or tell stories for their kids play a vital role" and "Technology lacks of emotional connection" contain grammatical errors. Review basic grammar rules and practice constructing accurate sentences. Proofreading carefully can help identify and correct these errors.

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