Discussion

Band 6+: Some people think that discipline is the most important factor for success, while others believe that talent is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays many individuals believe that discipline is the key to success, while others argue that talent is crucial. This essay will discuss both viewpoints. I think that discipline is more vital because it is not only about hard work, but also consistency.

On the one hand, discipline requires lots of time and effort as it is hard to become disciplined. You should not pay attention to something else apart from study, you should only focus on how to become successful and what to do to become successful. For instance, people leave their comfort zone to become consistent and it will lead to long-term success. Moreover, when individuals are disciplined in one activity such as studying, he/she will also be able to become disciplined in other activities as well.

On the other hand, talent is a natural ability which is easy to improve. When people are talented in something, it will be always easy to progress faster through some work or training. They are gifted from God and some individuals do not even need practising to become better, cause they are already good. For example, a friend of mine was talented in football, he played very well when we were in a school and he went to academy to become a professional footballer. After 2-3 years of training football agents noticed him and now he plays in Scotland’s professional soccer league.

Overall, discipline is good way to become success as it is hard to achieve. When it comes to talent, I think that not everyone can handle with it and just waste their time without any action.

Word Count: 266

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

become: 8

discipline: 4

individuals: 3

success: 3

talent: 3

disciplined: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both the importance of discipline and talent for success and presenting the writer's opinion. However, the ideas presented, particularly in the first body paragraph, lack clarity and sufficient development. The connection between discipline, leaving one's comfort zone, and long-term success could be more explicitly explained. The second body paragraph provides a clearer example to support the idea of talent. To improve, focus on providing more specific and detailed explanations for each point, ensuring a clear and logical flow of ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to discuss both views and provide an opinion, but the organization could be improved for better clarity. The introduction clearly states the essay's purpose. However, the transitions between ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs could be smoother. For example, in the first body paragraph, the connection between leaving the comfort zone and long-term success could be more explicitly explained. In the second body paragraph, the link between talent and ease of progression could be further elaborated. The conclusion summarizes the main points, but it could offer a stronger concluding statement that reinforces the writer's opinion. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single, clear idea and that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are logical and well-signaled.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but there are instances where the word choice could be more precise and sophisticated. For example, using synonyms for words like 'good,' 'easy,' and 'successful' could enhance the lexical variety. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, there are some instances where the phrasing sounds unnatural or repetitive. To improve lexical resource, focus on expanding your vocabulary related to the topic and practicing using more nuanced and precise language. Pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions to make your writing sound more natural. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity. Common errors include issues with subject-verb agreement ('he/she will also be able to become disciplined'), article usage, and sentence structure. There are also instances of awkward phrasing that could be improved for better flow. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Pay attention to common errors and work on correcting them through targeted exercises. Proofreading carefully for errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure can also help improve the overall quality of your writing.

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