Discussion

Band 4+: Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child's development while others believe that other factors (friends, television, music …) have a stronger effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Whether family is the best way influence on children’s development is a matter of debate, with some people believing that other sources such as peers and television are superior. In my opinion, family, particularly parents play a crucial role development of their children.

There are clear benefits of influence to develop from family, especially parents. Chief among them are stability, reliability and good behavior which is essential for development. Parents are first teacher of their children’s life, they teach them good behavior, as a result their personality shape in their elderly ages, that can also impact their future job. Teenagers decisions sometimes change and that can lead to instability at that kinds of cases parents and family experiments can help that provides believe among them between their family and parents.

One the other hand, television and peers has strong influence. For example interacting with friends and watching television can provide good communication and activities such a sport activities or scientific activities leads to healthier because they spent a lot of time with them. As a result they may adapt behavior attidue opinions from what they hear and watch and that can lead to bad behavior.

In conclusion I agree family influence on development their children more effective and reliability

Word Count: 209

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 7

family: 6

influence: 4

development: 4

parents: 4

television: 3

behavior: 3

activities: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both the influence of family and other factors like television and friends on children's development. A position is presented, stating that family influence is more effective. However, the ideas presented lack clarity and sufficient development. For example, the benefits of family influence are mentioned (stability, reliability, good behavior), but these points could be further elaborated with specific examples. Similarly, the discussion of television and peers lacks depth. To improve, focus on providing more concrete examples and detailed explanations to support your claims. Also, ensure that your arguments are clearly linked back to the central question of the essay. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some attempt at organization, but the ideas are not always logically connected, and the progression of thought is sometimes difficult to follow. Paragraphing is present but could be improved to better separate and develop distinct points. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are often weak or missing, hindering the overall flow of the essay. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas and improve the clarity of your arguments.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are instances of inaccurate word choice. The language used is not always precise, which affects the clarity of the arguments. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using more specific and appropriate words to convey your ideas. Pay attention to collocations and the correct usage of words in context. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and incorrect use of articles and prepositions. Sentence structure is often awkward and unclear. These errors significantly impede understanding. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Review and correct grammatical errors in your writing to enhance clarity and accuracy.

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Band 4+: Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child's development while others believe that other factors (friends, television, music …) have a stronger effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development while others believe that other factors (friends, television, music …) have a stronger effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development while others believe that other factors (friends, television, music …) have a stronger effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development while others believe that other factors (friends, television, music …) have a stronger effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development while others believe that other factors (friends, television, music …) have a stronger effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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