Discussion

Band 5+: Some people think that the most important skill nurses should have is having good medical knowledge. Others believe there are other more important qualities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Health plays a crucial role in every person’s life, and medical facilities are vital to save it from diseases; with proper treatment. Some individuals believe that degrees and proper knowledge is the most important for nurses whereas others argue that they should have specific qualities like kindness and appropriate communication are more important. This essay will discuss both views; however, I side with the later statement.

On the one side, having good medical knowledge is significantly important for the nurses as they are working with the doctors and also treat the patients, who are suffering from many diseases. So, proper knowledge in the medical field would definitely improve their health. For instance, a patient suffering from allergic reaction when reach to the hospital then nurses give proper medication through which they get relief from pain. Thus, it is only possible if they have proficient medical knowledge.

On the other hand, the opponents argue that the basic skills such as humbleness and sympathetic behaviour make patient more comfortable and relaxed because most of the time hospital staff spend with them so, if they are polite with them then it becomes more efficient to discuss about diet, medication and precautions. Ultimately, hospitalized person feels safer in that environment.

Additionally, if a nurse has great patience, team bond and co-operation then the health centres ambience will secure and safe. Most of the time, staff members follow instruction of doctor and help the co-workers, and proficiently communicate in discussions. It is only possible with a good patience level and cooperation; these kinds of qualities are from inside and do not require any certification or study. Thus, these skills are essential to make stronger team bond and peaceful working area.

In conclusion, while professional staff with adequate degrees is the fundamental to perform jobs however, personal qualities like polite behaviour, team spirit, and co-ordination are the assets not only for patients but colleagues too.

Word Count: 319

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

medical: 4

proper: 4

health: 3

knowledge: 3

important: 3

nurses: 3

qualities: 3

staff: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt, presenting both views and offering a clear opinion. The ideas are relevant, but the support for some points could be more focused and precise. To improve, ensure each supporting example directly and clearly relates to the point being made. Also, consider adding more specific details to strengthen your arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to discuss both views and provide an opinion, but the organization could be improved for better clarity. The introduction clearly states the essay's purpose. Transitions between paragraphs are present but could be smoother to enhance the flow of ideas. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively. For example, in the second paragraph, the connection between nurses working with doctors and improving patient health could be more explicitly stated. The conclusion summarizes the main points, but it could be strengthened by reiterating the writer's stance with a more impactful statement.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, 'proper knowledge' is used repeatedly; consider using synonyms like 'thorough understanding' or 'comprehensive expertise' to add variety. There are also instances of less natural phrasing, such as 'make patient more comfortable,' which could be improved to 'make patients more comfortable.' Expanding the range of vocabulary and focusing on more natural expressions would enhance the essay.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and impact clarity. Common errors include issues with article usage ('the nurses,' 'the patients'), verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. For example, 'a patient suffering from allergic reaction when reach to the hospital then nurses give proper medication through which they get relief from pain' contains multiple errors. To improve, focus on proofreading carefully for common errors and practicing sentence construction. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, correct article usage, and consistent verb tenses.

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