Opinion

Band 5+: Sports stars are paid too much for what they do.

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Over the past few decades, sports celebrities have become increasingly popular in many countries, especially professional football players and boxers. Some people argue that famous athletes earn excessive salaries for their efforts. I completely disagree with this idea and in this essay I will support my perspectives on this task with examples.

Some people believe that the government should not allocate funds to those elite athletes and prioritize devoting substantial resources to meditation. Since many sporting celebrities are unable to treat patients, the demand for professional doctors are increasing more and more. Indeed, if hospitals are adequately funded, it will play a constructive role in the development of meditation, meaning that numerous patients will be able to recover from illnesses. Despite allocating funds to hospitals instead of professional athletes is effective way for the meditation, I would argue that subsidizing those athletes can be worthwhile to their hard-working.

None of the top-level players were born with innate talent or prevalence. In other words, they have accomplished these successes, famousness due to their hard-working. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo who is one of the best football players in the world. Currently, he is globally renowned, and, has achieved myriad trophies only by working hard. That, wages ought to be commensurate with athlete’s experience and skills. Furthermore, If the government encourage those sporting celebrities with paying a wage, they may contribute to the development of a country. Due to the fact that professional athletes are able to demonstrate their full potential in international competitions, resulting in the prevalence of their country. Therefore, I firmly believe professional athletes from many fields of sports deserve to earn salaries owing to their hard-working.

In conclusion, although there is an argument amongst some people stating that sport stars should not be highly remunerated, I firmly believe sporting celebrities such as Cristiano Ronaldo who worked hard can deserve to receive inflated wages.

Word Count: 314

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

athletes: 6

their: 6

professional: 5

celebrities: 4

players: 3

people: 3

believe: 3

those: 3

meditation: 3

sporting: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (disagreeing with the idea that athletes are overpaid). However, there is a significant issue with the development of ideas and logical relevance. In the first body paragraph, the writer discusses government funding for 'meditation' (likely meaning 'medicine') and hospitals. This is a logical fallacy; the prompt is about the salaries paid to athletes (usually by clubs/private entities), not government subsidies. Comparing athlete salaries to hospital funding is a tangential argument that does not directly address why their specific pay is or is not justified. To improve, ensure that every argument directly supports your stance on the specific topic. Instead of discussing government budget allocation, focus on the economic aspects of sports, such as the massive revenue generated by broadcasting rights, ticket sales, and sponsorships, which justifies high salaries. Additionally, be careful with word choices (e.g., 'meditation' vs 'medicine') as incorrect vocabulary can obscure your meaning and affect the clarity of your arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a standard structure, but the progression of ideas is often interrupted by logical inconsistencies. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses government funding for 'meditation' (which appears to be a misspelling of 'medicine') and hospitals, which is a slight departure from the core topic of whether athletes are paid too much. To improve, ensure that every sentence directly supports the central argument. Use more sophisticated cohesive devices and ensure that the relationship between sentences is logical rather than just using transition words like 'Indeed' or 'Furthermore' mechanically.

Lexical Resource

There is an attempt to use higher-level vocabulary (e.g., 'remunerated', 'commensurate', 'myriad'), but there are significant errors in word choice and usage that occasionally obscure meaning. A major issue is the repeated use of 'meditation' when 'medicine' was clearly intended, and 'prevalence' when 'fame' or 'prominence' would be more appropriate. Additionally, 'hard-working' is used as a noun, whereas it should be 'hard work'. Focus on learning word families (noun vs. adjective forms) and ensuring that high-level vocabulary is used in the correct context.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes impede communication. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'the demand... are increasing'), sentence fragments (e.g., 'For example, Cristiano Ronaldo who is one of the best football players in the world.'), and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'Despite allocating funds... is effective way'). To improve, practice constructing complete complex sentences and pay close attention to the grammatical rules governing gerunds and infinitives.

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