Discussion

Band 4+: The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

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In today’s world in Western society people who are suffering from obesity has increased by 20% in the past decades. Today I’m going to discuss common reasons for this theme and why the proportion of overweight people has risen by 20% over the last decades.

Firstly there are common reasons why people are suffering from obesity, for example, less physical activity and larger portion sizes in restaurants or in other places. These days many people are spending more time using their phones and they are wasting their time on social media to scrolling unprofitable videos instead of training and try to keep fit. Furthermore in many restaurants foods often provide large portions than children need. And it disturbs their daily diet and the people who is trying to keep fit.

Also there are many consequences to early obesity children which is develop diabetes because of unhealthy eating habits. Many people born to develop diabetes because of their gene because maybe their parents also develop diabetes. So they could just sleep all over the day.

In conclusion suffering from obesity is not come in sudden it could be own gene or they develop early children, to get rid of this obese you just need to follow daily routine and your body slowly increases to good way.

Word Count: 215

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 6

their: 5

obesity: 4

develop: 4

suffering: 3

children: 3

diabetes: 3

because: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing causes and effects of childhood obesity, but the development is limited and lacks clarity. The position is present but not well-articulated. Ideas are relevant but not sufficiently extended or supported with specific examples or evidence. There is some repetition and the conclusion is weak. To improve, provide more detailed explanations and concrete examples for each cause and effect, ensure a clear and consistent position throughout, and avoid vague statements. Also, proofread for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For example, the transition from causes to effects is abrupt. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve coherence. Also, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate but limited and sometimes imprecise (e.g., 'this theme', 'unprofitable videos'). There is some attempt at less common words ('obesity', 'portion sizes'), but collocations are often incorrect (e.g., 'suffering from obesity has increased'). Expand your range of topic-specific vocabulary and use more natural collocations. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('people who is'), tense consistency, and incorrect use of articles. Sentence structures are mostly simple, with some errors in complex sentences. Work on basic grammar rules and practice using a variety of sentence structures accurately.

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