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Band 6+: These days, people spend a large amount of money on their physical appearance. Why do people do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

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In contemporary society, many individuals are willing to spend enormous amounts of money on clothing and merchandise in order to make themselves look younger. This essay will examine several rationales for this initiatives, which yields both positive and negative effects on societal development.

The trend of people spending money to look younger can be attributed to several roots. Chief among them is the fact that people want impressions and attention from others. This is because compliments from friends or relatives can drastically improve our confidence when interacting with others. As a result, many individuals spend a large sum of their wealth on designer pieces, hoping to impress their friends and families. Moreover, this huge spending on apparels can hide individuals’ imperfection as humans always want to hide their imperfection on their bodies such as a huge scar or a red acne, which people may perceive as signs of aging. For example, some people are willing to spend a fortune on skincare products, which are advertised to make themselves younger, in order to hide any imperfection or any signs of aging.

This idea of looking younger from spending a lot of money on appearance can both impact society both positively and negatively. On the one hand, many brands and clothing companies can benefit massively from this brand by advertising their image. As a result, many designer companies nowadays are trying to appeal to the older generations, by promising them to look younger. To illustrate, luxury brands like Dior and Gucci are maintaining massive campaigns to appeal their image to look younger for the older generation to make a profit. However, this trend of spending money can harm underprivileged individuals as money can be allocated for greater causes. Instead of spending money to impress others, expenses can be made to contribute to social problems such as poverty or climate change, aiding those lacking the basic needs.

In conclusion, the reasons for many individuals spending their wages on clothing to look younger can be attributed from several reasons such as impressing others and self-indulgence. Although this trend may benefit the fashion industry, it may negatively affect underprivileged individuals.

Word Count: 355

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

younger: 7

their: 7

money: 6

spending: 6

individuals: 5

people: 4

others: 4

spend: 3

clothing: 3

several: 3

which: 3

trend: 3

imperfection: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, discussing reasons for spending money on appearance to look younger and presenting a balanced view on whether this is positive or negative. A clear position is stated, and ideas are relevant. However, the supporting ideas could be more precise and developed. For example, the reasons given (impressing others, hiding imperfections) are valid but could be explored in greater depth. The discussion of positive and negative effects is present but lacks full extension and specific examples beyond the fashion industry. To improve, ensure each main idea is fully explained with clear, specific support, and avoid vague statements like 'several roots' or 'self-indulgence' without elaboration. Also, check for minor grammatical issues (e.g., 'this initiatives' should be 'these initiatives').

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented logically, and the use of cohesive devices like 'Chief among them', 'Moreover', 'On the one hand', and 'However' helps guide the reader. However, there are minor lapses in coherence, such as the phrase 'this initiatives' which should be 'these initiatives', and the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more concise. Overall, the essay is well-organized and easy to follow.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like 'contemporary', 'rationales', 'attributed', 'imperfection', and 'underprivileged'. The use of collocations such as 'spend enormous amounts of money' and 'maintaining massive campaigns' is appropriate. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'this initiatives' (should be 'these initiatives'), 'people want impressions' (unclear meaning), and 'this brand' (should be 'this trend'). The lexical resource is generally strong but could be more precise and natural in places. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, including relative clauses and conditional phrases. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, 'this initiatives' should be 'these initiatives', 'which yields' should be 'which yield', 'can both impact society both positively' has redundancy, and 'can be attributed from' should be 'can be attributed to'. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are missing commas in some places. The grammatical range is adequate, but accuracy needs improvement to achieve a higher score.

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Band 6+: These days, people spend a large amount of money on their physical appearance. Why do people do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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These days, people spend a large amount of money on their physical appearance. Why do people do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

These days, people spend a large amount of money on their physical appearance. Why do people do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

These days, people spend a large amount of money on their physical appearance. Why do people do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

These days, people spend a large amount of money on their physical appearance. Why do people do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

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