Opinion

Band 4+: To what extent do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to spend time with family and friends than to focus on career advancement.

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This is extremely crucial to spend time with family and friends than to focus on career advancement. and friends than to focus on career advancement.

I fully agree with firstly focus to spend time with family and friends than to focus on career advancement.Because if the person spends time wih family or freinds.It is very important for best career.In addition the family support the person on career advancement, so this reason firstly spent a time with parents and friends this reason is very important.For example, if a person spent a time with faher and his father is a superb business man so this idea is very crucial for the person so this businessman’s son also want to staert own bussiness so this is a good career advancement.On the oter hand, if somebody wants to start own business and he have do not spent a time with family or with good friends, he may not move his business forward because lack of family support or good ideas so this reason is primarily important to spend time with parents and with friends.

Secendly, good career is also important but the good career comes from spending time with good friends as well as, with family such as brothers, sisters etc.To illustrate, once a friend recommended that I start a clothes business, and I said ok.So this business start from with i spent a time with good feiend so nowadays this business is move fast so this reason to invest a time with family and with friends is very important.

At the end firstly invest time with family and friends, then focus on a good career this is very important.

Word Count: 276

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

family: 9

friends: 8

career: 8

business: 6

focus: 5

person: 4

important: 4

reason: 4

spent: 4

spend: 3

firstly: 3

start: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a position, but the development of ideas is limited and not always clear. The examples provided are somewhat simplistic and lack depth. There is also some repetition of ideas. To improve, focus on developing more complex and nuanced arguments, providing more specific and detailed examples, and ensuring that each paragraph contributes a unique perspective to the overall argument. Also, work on using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance clarity and coherence.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay lacks clear organization and logical flow. The ideas are not well-connected, and the paragraphing is weak. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are often missing or ineffective, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Improve the structure by clearly introducing each point, providing supporting evidence, and summarizing the main ideas in a conclusion. Using cohesive devices more effectively will also enhance the essay's readability.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, which limits the essay's ability to express complex ideas. There is a lack of precision in word choice, and some words are used inappropriately. Expand your vocabulary and focus on using more varied and precise language to convey your ideas effectively. Pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions to enhance the naturalness of your writing. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and improper use of articles and prepositions. Sentence structure is often awkward and unclear, making it difficult to understand the intended meaning. Focus on improving your understanding of basic grammar rules and sentence construction. Practice writing simple sentences and gradually progress to more complex structures as your accuracy improves.

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