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Band 6+: Wealth and material belongings often measure the success that a person has. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

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Success should not solely be measured by material belongings and wealth. Material wealth alone does not make a person truly successful. I believe that success can be measured by a person’s knowledge, values and happiness.

It is often said that “Knowledge is the greatest treasure”. Unlike material wealth, knowledge is a permanent asset that continues to create opportunities throughout a person’s life. While wealth and material belongings are the most uncertain things in life. Through knowledge comes great understanding and values which make a person successful. For instance, even wealthy people seek advice from knowledgable individuals when faced with important decisions in life.

One of the ways of measuring a person’s success is happiness. Irrespective of the material possessions or wealth a person might have, if they are not happy within, it would not matter at a certain point in life. People often make a mistake that earning ample amount of wealth would bring them prosperity. Hence, individuals think of chasing wealth. Children are a perfect example of this. When we grow old, we often say that “Life was better when we were kids”, not because of wealth but of the happiness we had irrespective of anything else.

In conclusion, if we want to measure a person’s true success then it should be based on their knowledge, values and happiness rather than their material belongings and wealth.

Word Count: 227

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

wealth: 9

material: 6

success: 4

person's: 4

knowledge: 4

belongings: 3

person: 3

values: 3

often: 3

happiness: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay appropriately addresses the prompt by clearly stating that wealth is not the best measure of success and by discussing what makes a successful person (knowledge, values, happiness). The position is clear and developed with relevant ideas and examples. The response is well-structured and focused. To improve, consider extending the discussion of the opposing view (why some might argue wealth is a measure of success) to show a more balanced exploration, and ensure all ideas are fully supported with specific examples or reasoning. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are logically presented, and the argument flows well. However, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother. Consider using linking phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to connect the points about knowledge and happiness more explicitly. The paragraphing is generally effective, but the second paragraph contains a sentence fragment ('While wealth and material belongings are the most uncertain things in life.') that disrupts the flow. Correcting this would improve coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases like 'permanent asset', 'irrespective of', and 'chasing wealth' used effectively. The use of the proverb 'Knowledge is the greatest treasure' adds a nice touch. However, there is some repetition of words like 'wealth' and 'happiness'. To enhance lexical resource, consider using synonyms such as 'prosperity', 'riches', 'contentment', or 'well-being'. The spelling of 'knowledgable' should be corrected to 'knowledgeable'. Overall, the vocabulary is appropriate and mostly accurate. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, the sentence 'While wealth and material belongings are the most uncertain things in life.' is a fragment and should be attached to the previous sentence. Also, 'People often make a mistake that earning ample amount of wealth would bring them prosperity' should be 'People often make the mistake that earning an ample amount of wealth will bring them prosperity.' Additionally, 'if they are not happy within' could be rephrased as 'if they are not happy within themselves'. Punctuation is generally correct, but these errors prevent the essay from achieving a higher score. Improving grammatical accuracy will significantly strengthen the essay.

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