Opinion

Band 4+: When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words.

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Park and playground are significant than shopping centres for a new town. However, I agree with the statement. I do not believe that shopping centre facilities are important for new towns. I will discuss my opinion why I agree with the statement.

Firstly, in reality, people use parks to spend their leisure time. Furthermore, children need to playground to pass their free time. When we are plan new towns, obviously we should discuss build more public parks and sports facilities. Everybody should play because play is so important, especially for children. Shopping centres do not need their free time for spend. If we play or time spend with others then we feel refreshed and calm, but it’s not being in shopping centre. For example, in Friday, it’s weekend, in this day, children go to park with their parents to playing who people they live in town.

Secondly, in my opinion, people use parks for picnics. Most people live in town and sometimes they spend their leisure time by having get-togethers. So, I think more public parks and sports facilities should be build for picnics and recreation. Shopping centres are not used for get-togethers. Most people in towns enjoy having picnics to pass their free time. For instance, many people like parks because they can have picnics and refresh their minds. That’s why I believe that public parks and sports facilities necessary for people to spend their free time rather than shopping centres.

To conclude, I strongly agree with this statement because parks and sports facilities are more essential for a town than building shopping complexes.

Word Count: 265

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 8

shopping: 7

people: 7

parks: 7

facilities: 5

spend: 5

sports: 4

picnics: 4

centres: 3

agree: 3

towns: 3

children: 3

should: 3

public: 3

because: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and expresses a clear position (agreement with the statement). However, the development of ideas is limited and repetitive. The writer relies heavily on the same idea - that parks are good for leisure and picnics - without exploring the counter-argument or providing deep reasoning as to why shopping centres are less important. To improve, the writer should aim to expand on their points by explaining the social or health benefits of sports facilities in more detail and perhaps acknowledging why some might argue for shopping centres before refuting that point. Additionally, avoiding repetitive sentence structures and ensuring that each paragraph introduces a distinct supporting idea would strengthen the response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is somewhat repetitive, and the connection between sentences is often mechanical. To improve, try to use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'consequently', 'in contrast', 'moreover') and avoid repeating the same ideas (like the importance of picnics) in multiple sentences. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic sentence that is expanded upon logically.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite limited and repetitive. Words like 'important', 'people', 'parks', and 'shopping centres' are used excessively. To reach a higher band, you should aim to use synonyms and more precise terminology. For example, instead of 'shopping centres', you could use 'retail complexes' or 'commercial hubs'; instead of 'important', you could use 'essential', 'crucial', or 'vital'. Additionally, be careful with word forms, such as using 'playground' (noun) when you mean 'playgrounds' (plural) or 'to play' (verb). Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede communication. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Park and playground are significant'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'should be build' instead of 'should be built'), and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'to playing who people they live in town'). You should focus on mastering basic sentence structures, particularly the use of modal verbs, passive voice, and prepositional phrases. Practicing complex sentence structures (using 'although', 'because', 'which') will also help improve your score.

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