Opinion

Band 6+: With the rapid advancement of communication technology: smartphones, tablets and other mobile devices, some people believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The rapid development of communication technology, including smartphones, tablets, and other portable devices, has become changed the way people communicate and access information. While some individuals believe that the drawbacks of this development are grater than its benefits, I disagree with this view because the advantages significantly outweigh the disadvantages.

On the one hand, communication technology provides several benefits for both individuals and society. One major advantage is that it allows people to communicate quickly even they stay for long distance. Through message applications and video calls, family members, friends, and co-workers can satay connected easier than before. Furthermore, mobile devices still provide rapid access to information and educational resources. Students can study online classes, search information, and improve their knowledge through educational applications. In addition, communication technology can increased workplace efficiency by supporting remote work and online collaboration.

On the other hand, there are several disadvantages associated with the excessive use of mobile devices. One concern disadvantages is smartphone addiction, which may decrease work productivity and negatively affect performance. Many people spend hours scrolling their social media instead of focusing their tasks. Another drawback is the impact on health. Excessive screen time may cause eye strain, insomnia, and a lack of exercise. Moreover, some people argue that technology reduces face-to-face communication and weakens social relationships.

However, most of these problems caused by using technology inappropriate way. If individuals use mobile devices responsibly and maintain a healthy balance between online and offline activities, many negative effects can minimize.

In conclusion, although communication technology may create certain challenges, I believe that its advantages, such as a better communication, greater access to information, and increased productivity, outweigh its disadvantages. Therefore, this development should be viewed as positive improvement of modern society.

Word Count: 289

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

communication: 6

technology: 6

devices: 4

people: 4

information: 4

development: 3

access: 3

individuals: 3

mobile: 3

online: 3

their: 3

disadvantages: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly stated your position in the introduction and maintained this stance throughout the response. The ideas are relevant and well-organized, with a logical progression from the benefits to the drawbacks, followed by a nuanced counter-argument regarding responsible usage. To improve and reach a higher band, ensure that your supporting ideas are more deeply extended. For example, when discussing the impact on health or social relationships, you could provide a more specific example or a more detailed explanation of the causal link to add more depth to your arguments. Additionally, be mindful of minor grammatical slips (e.g., 'has become changed', 'even they stay for long distance', 'can increased') to ensure the precision of your writing matches the strength of your ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that address both sides of the argument, and a logical conclusion. The use of cohesive devices such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In addition' helps the reader follow the progression of ideas. To improve, ensure that the transition between the third and fourth paragraphs is smoother; the fourth paragraph feels slightly brief and could be integrated into the third or expanded to provide a more robust counter-argument to the disadvantages mentioned.

Lexical Resource

You have used a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as 'rapid advancement', 'workplace efficiency', 'remote work', and 'social relationships'. There are some minor spelling and word choice errors (e.g., 'grater' instead of 'greater', 'satay' instead of 'stay', and 'inappropriate way' instead of 'in an inappropriate way'). Aim for more precision in your word choices to avoid these minor slips and to enhance the sophistication of your writing. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that occasionally disrupt the flow. For example, 'has become changed' should be 'has changed', 'even they stay for long distance' should be 'even when they are at a long distance', and 'can increased' should be 'can increase'. Pay close attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and the use of articles/prepositions to improve the overall accuracy of your writing.

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