Discussion

Band 5+: With the rise of personalized medicine, some argue that healthcare resources should be primarily allocated to preventative genetic testing, while others believe that resources should continue to focus on treating existing illnesses. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

As personalized medicine levels inhanced, some individuals argue that doctors should treat their patients based on their genetics. On the other hand, from others’ perspective standart medicine is the best way.This is a really entertaining argument, so let us discuss both sides of the coin

Nowadays medicine increasingly evaluates which is really beneficial for our society,but as i ponder there is always a space for enhancement.Personalizing everyone’s health care can be really challenging.It is really harsh to go through certain person’s data everytime someone needs care.First of all, it might require doctros an access to databases, which can be problematic.Now i would like to express my opinion about another hard part of this idea, which is time management.In my consideration it would take a plenty of time to go through database everytime somenone needs treatment.Altough i talked a lot about drawbacks of this idea, let us scrutinize the other argument.

In my point of view treatment of patients based in their genetics can be a really scientific boom in a great way.I have been contemplating about this development a lot, and i hold the opinion that it is a really magnificent improvment.Thanks to it diseases would significatly decrease or can be effortlessly healed.For example if individual suffers from allergy, doctors will restrict their consumption of numerous products to figure out where is the issue,but it wouldn’t be needed with this new concept ,as genetics can tell a lot.

To deduce from mentioned above, i would like to state, that my view is that this kind of amelioration can be crucial for us, and bring a medicine to whole another level.

Word Count: 270

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

really: 6

medicine: 4

their: 4

would: 4

genetics: 3

which: 3

about: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both personalized medicine and standardized treatment. A position is presented, but the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. The arguments are somewhat simplistic and could benefit from more specific examples and detailed explanations. To improve, focus on providing more concrete evidence and elaborating on the potential benefits and drawbacks of each approach.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some attempt at organization, but the flow of ideas is often unclear. Paragraphing is present but could be more effectively used to separate distinct points. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. To improve, focus on using clear topic sentences, logical connectors, and ensuring each paragraph has a central idea that supports your overall argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices ('levels inhanced,' 'standart medicine,' 'entertaining argument'). There is an attempt to use more sophisticated vocabulary ('scrutinize,' 'amelioration'), but these are not always used correctly. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary and ensuring you understand the precise meaning and usage of new words. Pay attention to collocations and use a dictionary or thesaurus to find more appropriate alternatives. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors frequently impede understanding. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Review common grammatical errors and seek feedback on your writing to identify areas for improvement. Consider using a grammar checker to help identify and correct errors.

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