Discussion

Band 6+: With the rise of personalized medicine, some argue that healthcare resources should be primarily allocated to preventative genetic testing, while others believe that resources should continue to focus on treating existing illnesses. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

It is often debated whether healthcare should emphasise on treating existing illness or concentrate on preventing illness tracking individual predispositions. In my view, I definately believe on prevention before cure because with the rise of personalized medicine, it is possible that prevention could be more focused in the health sector.

On one hand, there are already numerous existing illnesses that did not get proper attention during prevention, so they certainly need immediate attention which can take the human resource to be less likely invested in further research for prevention because they are already occupied and busy with curing illnesses.

On the other hand, with the rising technology, any body in the world with access to the internet can take precaution measures to not catch diseases beforehand. So, in this 21st century it is possible for schools and governments can also provide perfect curriculum with adequate information on prevention before cure to make students more interested on such research so that the future healthcare resources to be concentrated on preventing illness based on individual genetic predispositions.

In conclusion, while both of these arguments are equally important, I strongly agree that, with the rise of personalized medicine, healthcare resources should be concentrated on preventing illness based on individual genetic predispositions, because evolving with time to have better solutions is the best way to fulfill our purpose as humans to do what is right and improve. Focusing on individual genetic predispositions to prevent illness must be the right thing to do for the sake of humanity.

Word Count: 253

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

illness: 5

prevention: 5

individual: 4

healthcare: 3

preventing: 3

predispositions: 3

because: 3

genetic: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. Also, ensure a clearer and more logical structure within each paragraph.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and attempts to discuss both views as requested. However, the flow of ideas could be improved. Transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs sometimes feel abrupt, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument effortlessly. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas and ensure a smoother transition between points. For example, in the second paragraph, elaborating on why immediate attention is needed for existing illnesses would strengthen the argument. In the third paragraph, providing specific examples of precautionary measures or curriculum content would enhance clarity.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there's room for improvement in using more precise and sophisticated language. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, some word choices could be more impactful. For instance, instead of 'take precaution measures,' consider using 'adopt preventative strategies.' To enhance lexical resource, try incorporating synonyms and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Also, ensure that the vocabulary used is consistently accurate and natural.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors and phrasing issues impact clarity. There are instances where sentence construction could be improved for better flow and precision. For example, the sentence 'In my view, I definately believe on prevention before cure because with the rise of personalized medicine, it is possible that prevention could be more focused in the health sector' could be rephrased for better clarity and conciseness. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and appropriate use of articles and prepositions. Proofreading carefully for grammatical errors will significantly enhance the essay's overall quality.

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