Opinion

Band 4+: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

In the last decade, most of teenager population is growing up with unhealthy. In my perspective, I really believe that it is a huge problems, however, the solution is extremely important. In this essay not only issues but also solutions will be examined.

Looking at the thouble, there are many factors effect to healthcare problems. To start, the most important is family affect. This is due to the fact that childhool habbit is built by their parent or care giver who are closed to them then the family infuenced to eating behavior. For instance sweetness food, processed food and fast food. Secondly, another issue is lack of physical activity. This is because modern technology make easier than previous then people have lean to using it to be comfortable life. For example, ordering food by smartphones or using robot to clean a home. Getting diseases are the last topic to be taking into considertion. The reason for this when the society become digital world, people will live thier life without health concern. As the result, both of physical and mental health issues might happen in the near future.

Moving to the solutions, all of the problems should be solved by all sectors, as family institution, the government and personal displine.

The initial one is family institution. This is because family institutiond is the first school of children where is vital to teach them for how to manage themselfe. A futhure reason is the government role. The reason for this public staffs should consider of health promotion campeinge which persude people concern their healthcare habbit. Being displine person is the final topic to be taken in to consideration. Because of personal care routine will promote health well-being.

In conclusion, I personally believe that new-generation can be perfect if they grow in suitable environmemt.

Word Count: 301

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

family: 5

health: 4

problems: 3

because: 3

people: 3

reason: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by identifying reasons for childhood obesity and suggesting solutions. However, the development of these ideas is limited. While you mention key factors like family influence, lack of physical activity, and government campaigns, the explanations are often brief and lack depth or specific supporting details. The position is discernible, but the connection between the ideas and the prompt could be more clearly articulated. To improve, focus on expanding your ideas. Instead of just listing a reason (e.g., 'lack of physical activity'), explain *how* this leads to obesity in more detail. Additionally, ensure that your solutions directly correspond to the problems you raised. For example, if you mention technology as a cause, suggest how technology or education can be used as a solution. Work on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to ensure your arguments flow logically and are easy for the reader to follow.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often interrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. While you use some cohesive devices (e.g., 'To start', 'Secondly', 'In conclusion'), they are sometimes used mechanically. To improve, focus on ensuring that each sentence flows logically into the next and that your paragraph transitions clearly signal the relationship between ideas. Avoid repetitive sentence structures like 'The reason for this is...' and try to vary how you introduce supporting points.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is limited and often inaccurate, which occasionally makes it difficult to understand your intended meaning (e.g., 'growing up with unhealthy', 'sweetness food', 'family institutiond'). There are several spelling errors ('thouble', 'childhool', 'habbit', 'infuenced', 'displine', 'campeinge') that detract from the professionalism of the writing. To improve, work on building a wider range of topic-specific vocabulary related to health and society (e.g., 'sedentary lifestyle', 'nutritional awareness', 'dietary habits') and ensure you are using correct word forms (e.g., using 'unhealthy habits' instead of 'with unhealthy'). Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occur in almost every sentence. There are significant issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence fragments (e.g., 'For instance sweetness food, processed food and fast food.'), and word order. The use of complex structures is attempted but often results in errors that impede communication. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures, correct verb tenses, and the use of articles. Practice writing complete sentences that contain both a subject and a verb, and ensure that your subordinate clauses are correctly attached to main clauses.

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