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Band 4+: line graph - amounts of shops opened and closed between 2011 and 2018

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The image displays a line graph titled "Number of shop closures and openings 2011–2018," plotting the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened annually from 2011 to 2018. For closures: 2011 (8000), 2012 (7000), 2013 (6000), 2014 (around 7400), 2015 (5000), 2016 (3000), 2017 (2000), 2018 (2000). For openings: 2011 (2000), 2012 (2000), 2013 (2000), 2014 (4000), 2015 (5000), 2016 (5000), 2017 (6000), 2018 (8000). The graph shows a decreasing trend in closures and an increasing trend in openings as years progress.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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THE GRAPH BELOW SHOWS US THE NUMBER OF SHOPS OPENED AND CLOSED IN ONE COUNTRY BETWEEN 2011 AND 2018.

AT FIRST, THE NUMBER OF SHOP CLOSURES IS 8500 IN YEAR 2011 AND HAD DECREASED TO 4000 BY YEAR 2012. THEN, THE NUMBER OF SHOPS CLOSED INCREASED UP TO 6000 IN 2014, AND HAD A DECREASE AGAIN TO 4000 BY 2015. THEN, IT IS THE SAME THROUGH 2016, BUT A LITTLE CHANGE IS SEEN IN 2017; AT THE END, IT WENT TO 3000 IN 2018.

SECONDLY, THE NUMBER OF SHOPS OPENED IS 6500 IN 2011, AND DECREASED TO 6000 IN 2012. THEN, IT INCREASED TO 7200 IN 2013, BUT THEN DIRECTLY WENT TO 6500 ONCE AGAIN IN 2014, BUT THERE IS A HUGE DECREASE IN 2015 BECAUSE IT DECREASES UP TO 600. BUT A RISE IS SEEN IN 2016 THAT IS 5100 AND KEPT THE SAME WITH A LITTLE UP AND DOWN IN 2017 AND 2018.

AT LAST, THIS GRAPH SHOWS US IN WHAT RATIO THE SHOPS ARE CLOSED AND OPENED BETWEEN 2011 AND 2018 IN ONE COUNTRY.

Word Count: 177

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A1 - Beginner
Aim to use more advanced language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

number: 4

shops: 4

opened: 3

closed: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to describe the graph but contains significant inaccuracies in the data reported. The description lacks clear organization and omits key trends. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data, organizing the information logically (e.g., overall trends, then details), and using more precise language.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report lacks clear organization and logical flow. The information is not presented in a cohesive manner, making it difficult to follow the trends in the graph. Paragraphing is present but does not effectively separate distinct ideas or time periods. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak, hindering the overall coherence. For improvement, focus on grouping information logically, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph, and employing transition words to connect ideas smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, limiting the ability to accurately and effectively describe the data. There is a lack of precision in the choice of words, and the range of vocabulary is narrow. To enhance lexical resource, try to incorporate synonyms and more specific terms to describe the trends and changes in the graph. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'decrease' and 'increase,' explore words like 'decline,' 'fall,' 'rise,' 'growth,' or 'surge.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors significantly impact the clarity and accuracy of the report. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice using a variety of sentence types and verb tenses to express different relationships between data points. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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line graph – amounts of shops opened and closed between 2011 and 2018

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