Letter

Band 5+: You are organizing a charity fundraising event at your workplace and need to coordinate with your manager for approval and support. Write a letter to your manager, requesting permission and assistance for the event. You should explain: - The purpose and details of the fundraising event - The resources you will need from the company - How the event will benefit the company's image.

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

Dear Manager,

I am writing to take your permission and support for organizing the fundraising event.

The fundraising event aim is to collect funds for supporting and help all people that are in need for any educational, medical or even social help. Moreover, the event needs your brave to give us a hand in order to be able to push it up to the light and be known within people, plus become a familiar one with all those people who can support us financially.

In addition, I want to ask if I could be using the offices of our workplace after our work hours. It will help us for organizing the work and distributing it all over the teams and be more precise in our work.

Not only people will benefit from the event, but also the company will be a part of it. Encourging such events will lead to create a very heartfelt image of the company that support people in n out d for help.

Best regards,

Carole

Word Count: 170

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 5

support: 3

event: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter addresses the main points of the task, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited and the language contains inaccuracies. To improve, provide more specific details about the fundraising event, the resources needed, and how the event will benefit the company's image. Also, pay close attention to grammar and vocabulary to ensure clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter's organization is somewhat unclear, and the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your request. For example, you could start a new paragraph for each of the points mentioned in the task (purpose, resources, benefits). Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite basic and sometimes inaccurate ('brave to give us a hand'). Try to use more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively. For example, instead of 'push it up to the light,' you could say 'promote the event' or 'raise awareness.' Also, avoid informal expressions in a formal letter to your manager.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, the sentence 'The fundraising event aim is to collect funds...' has subject-verb agreement issues. Also, there are issues with article usage ('the fundraising event aim') and sentence structure. Focus on using correct grammar and punctuation to ensure your message is clear and professional. Proofread carefully to catch and correct errors.

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